A Tryst with Conscience

Of friends and dreams.

2011-06-01T02:38:00.000+05:30

Do I not want to hang out with a bunch of my best friends? Would I not like to go on a trek with a bunch of adventurous youngsters? Wouldn't I rather spend a Sunday, watching back to back movies? Why would I not start of watching another epic sitcom/drama? Why can't I study physics and do mathematics anymore? Don't I feel like going out shopping with a girl? Why would I mind going on a cycling expedition to the western ghats? Shouldn't I have been to Goa already?! Why am I the only one who has not been to B'lore to meet my some of my best friends there? Am I missing out on life?

I don't plan to answer each question I've asked. They were rhetorical in nature anyway. Yet, I have the answer to the last question. The question was for me, I'll be the one who answers it. So, am I missing out life? The answer is a simple No. I am not missing out anything in life. I am instead looking for something that has been missing in my life for long. I have no qualms about being public about it. This blog has exposed me enough, anyway. It is achievement, that I'm striving for. I've been and underachiever all my life. The people who know me well, know this well as well. To others, if this sounds like a pompous self-assessment, you are requested to stop reading, right now. Continuing, I'd say, I might really not have deserved more than what I have got, but certainly I have never achieved what I am capable of. And this haunts me, it does. The burden of talent, lies on the one who fails to realize it. And I feel that burden. Not that it's a bad position to be in. This is the ripe age for me to lumber through my burdens, and run that home run hard. If there is one emotion in me, that has never really needed a rekindling, it's been this emotion. The emotion to realize my dreams, dreams that are not small by any standards, and I'm not telling you what my dreams are. Dreams like, secrets, are best kept secret. Call me self-obsessed, call me selfish, call me by whatever hideous ways you call people, fact remains fact. And the fact is, if you can't feel my burden, you can't feel my pain, and if you can't feel my pain, you can't even sympathize; and when you can't even sympathize, at the least, do not curse.

With the turmoils in my soul, I sure have lost out on friendships and relationships. I ask you not to feel resented, and not to desert me. What I ask of you is not an eschewing soul, but a forbearing soul. Show me a forbearing soul, and I will make sure, that I come running back to you, once I'm relieved of my burden. As a friend, I know you would understand, and be kind to me, the way you have been all these years. I know everyone has dreams to live for, and you should live for your dream too. But I am not asking too much, when I ask you if I could be a part of your dream too? I have hurt a lot of guys over the last year, but I will make sure, I make up for all of my misdemeanors. I just hope that you would help me in realizing my dreams, and I would help you realizing your dreams. This way we would be good friends, the best of friends. Who says, a man can have only one best friend? No way. Time to prove the world wrong.

This post specifically goes out to all the people who know me inside out and who have missed knowing me of late. Friends, I have missed knowing you too. And there will be a time for us to catch up, on what we've missed. But now, it is time for us, to march ahead foot by foot, each helping the other, realize his dreams. You surely don't want to be on your deathbed with your dreams unfulfilled, right? Live happy and die happy. I know you have your dreams, deep inside you. In case you can't find them, you just need to look deeper, they'll be there. Believe me. Know your dreams, and write your destiny.

As an epilogue I'd say that any form of eulogy and tirade likewise, is solicited in the form of comments. This post has come out after a long long writing hiatus, so any suggestions on my writing/composition are extremely welcome too. In all hopes that this post inspires you as much as it makes you ponder. I have extended my hand in friendship. Will you hold it?

The Concept Of God

2010-03-23T04:06:00.002+05:30

Theists and Atheists, the ontologically sound and the hollow, the epistemologically inclined and the abstinent, lend me your ears, listen to what i have to say on this one. I don't want to hurt your opinions, i don't want to change your perceptions. All i want, is to present this discussion in new light, a sumptuous food for thought, if you'd like to put it after reading this one.

The theists and the Atheists have had sempiternal debates over this, and bet me, the debates have led to nothing concrete. In the end both people from both parties go back to where the were. Believers stay believers, non believers stay non-believers. Debates over such topics are a waste. It is because the believers present the the notion of God as nothing short of a reckless magic, wherein by virtue of being God, some supreme being is hailed the creator, perpetuator and the destroyer of this Universe.

Being a believer is easy. The whole of the Universe with its infinite artistic beauty on the outside strutted with the rationalist mathematics and science on the inside makes human beings wonder whether there is a supreme power that has bestowed us with this enigmatic Life and all the surroundings. Failing to find answers of which, instills their faith in a power supreme. What adds to their belief are the mere coincidences which are given the name of mystical realism. In this world of mad believers and foolish pawns, God is the shortest escape from reality into a world of fairies and fairy tales.

Being a non-believer is easy too. When the die hard followers of science and logic step into the arena armed with their reasoning ability and argue that what cannot be seen or felt is non-existent, it puts the believers in a trap they can't get out of. But, when asked to comment on the magnitude of the construction of this Universe with its myriad manifestations in the form of diversity in all the living and the non living things, they tend to shy away and blame it all on chance events and randomness. It may be a good leeway, but then again it leads to nothing of much use and moreover helps in hiding the meaning of life and the purpose of creation in deeper darker and dangerous dungeons.

Who am i? Am i an Atheist?
No.
Am i a believer?
Read On.
What i have, is, faith in the concept of God. God for me, is not the creator or the destroyer of life in this Universe, but he is the manifestation of my faith, the faith that keeps me going. Having faith is the only thing that makes any person want to live this life, the purpose of which is otherwise indeterminate. To me, the whole point of life is figuring what life is all about. Now faith manifests itself in a huge number of ways. Some people have faith that they'll end up being filthy rich and enjoy all the pleasures of life, while others have faith that they'll live happy lives by sticking to only the bare necessities and no more. Some people have faith that they will help the needy in the society and change their lives and make the planet a better place for them to live while others have faith that they'll change the world as we see it through groundbreaking research in the domains of the Science and Mathematics. To me God is the piggy(Faith) bank where in i can put all my faith coins in, and pull them out when i need them, and i have no shame in admitting it. When i go about doing a task and i know at the back of my mind that something powerful is taking good care of me, chances are, i'd give it my best shot, almost always. If it turns out to be a success, i thank him, i implant more faith in my Faith bank, and drop in fresh coins. If it doesn't turn out to be a success, i thank him for the experiences gained. God is that piece of code, that keeps running in the kernel of my body, or the mind, that keeps me motivated in my endeavors, consoles me when the chips are down, pats me on the back when i do something good. In short God is the mentor that i always wanted. Its easy to blame him when things don't go my way, but then, mentors too, are allowed to make mistakes. Its important not to hand him the string of your life, but let him be the Krishna that guides the Arjun, the Arjun being you in this case. He does not have answers to all the questions, but he strengthens the gut instincts that lead to to wisdom. Talking to him is nothing more than just taking out time for yourself and we all have realized how important that is.

God to me is as living as anything in this world, only that he is omnipotent because he resides in my mind and i can talk to him whenever and wherever i feel like. He is not the person that is running this Universe, which we are a part of, but He is as much a part of this as any living being. And with all the grandeur and the might we are witness to, at all times and at all places, i have reason to believe that there is more to my Faith bank than just a store house of my Faith coins. And that is about it, i have said a lot, but a lot more is hidden between the lines of this text and still a lot more can be said, but i'll not spill out everything for you.

I have just presented one manifestation of God as my Faith bank, the way you would like it to be is your call. Call him power supreme, call him the creator, call him God, call him luck, call him by any name; for me he makes life, a hell lot simpler. Thanks for your time, Ciao! :)

Sachin, aap bhagwaan hain!

2010-02-25T01:22:00.000+05:30

So, have you been wondering what has kept me so quiet on the cloud for so long? Yes? Read on. No? Read on. It has been quite a ride, the last three-four months. Sometime back i decided to quit blogging altogether. Why? Because the whole concept of sharing my philosophy on life seemed a futile exercise to me. I thought why and how would it make a difference to any one? I mean people would most often read a post, swallow the words and move on, because sadly their is no enzyme that would help digest the swallowed up words. The words have to be chewed and crushed into thoughts which are directly absorbed by the heart and the mind. Every post would drop on a person's life like the monsoon rain, that would bring ephemeral delight, but not eternal bliss. Only later I realized that its not only the banal rainfall every time it rains, some times there are thunderstorms too, that leave extended impressions. Impressions you forget only with time, because better and more dominating impressions take their place. This is what brings me back.

I've been lucky enough to have laid my hands on some of the great books that have come out of some of the greatest thinkers of the past and the present. The books have shaped and reshaped the way i think and the way i see the things that are in and around me. Every great book presents me with a new set of glasses that help me see the world in tints unknown to me at that time. New dimensions keep getting added to my thought process with every reading and thanks to these great books I, today, stand where I am.

What if the authors of these gems too refrained from writing, ascribing their repulsion to the same logic that kept me away from writing as well? Surely I would have missed out on knowledge and pleasure that to some extent, my text books have failed to provide. That is why I would love to continue writing, in hopes that someday (if not already) someone will get influenced by my thoughts, make them his own by embellishing them the way he likes, and start his journey with a new set of glasses, replacing the old and broken ones. I don't need any accolades for the way i key-down my thoughts, that is not my aim. My goal is to make this world a better place to live in, and to me that comes by helping people repaint their outlook on life. I really don't claim to be the happiest person alive and I am by no means the authority on life and the way it should be lived. I haven't and can't ever put to end my learning process. That is bound to last as long as i live. But as and when i feel like sharing something insightful, i'd never shy away from doing so. Maybe you'll remember me on your deathbed as a person who if not substantially, then, marginally helped in making your life a little more meaningful.

So what do i suggest? Stop. Read. Think. Repeat.

Thanks for your time. Ciao!

Thank You, Sapna Maun.

2009-12-09T22:18:00.007+05:30

The concept behind the meaning of Rationality has eluded me since the time i started thinking about it. To put it in the simple words for the lesser mortals i'd say that the meaning of Rationality as stated in the dictionary doesn't make sense to me at all.

For starters let me just pull out the definition of the word from an online dictionary:

rationality [ˌræʃəˈnælɪtɪ]

n pl -ties

1. the state or quality of being rational or logical

2. the possession or utilization of reason or logic

3. a reasonable or logical opinion

Here you go. Read it? Just read that one more time. Done that? Do it again. Re-re-read? Did you notice a peculiar thing? Or maybe it is just me, that is precisely why i am writing this post; but the meaning doesn't grow upon you with every re-read that you give it, and on the contrary it seems to die down. The definition is contorted. What really is ridiculous and fake about this definition is that the words used to define the term Rationality aren't any easier to be defined themselves. The above reference is to the words 'quality', 'reason' and 'logic'. Now, you could stop and think over it, or just carry on reading because human beings tend to seek the easy way out, Always.

The problem i guess is that rationality is a subjective term. I mean something may seem logical to one person, while it may seem illogical to the other. Mind you, i'll be using the term rationality and logic interchangeably. Say for example there are four people, who stay together and have just had a very heavy dinner at a restaurant 5 km. from their home. For going back they could either take an auto who would charge Rs 10 per person, or they could walk back which is always an option if you don't have time and stamina as constraints. For some reason three people feel like walking back home, because it will help digesting food. They 4th guy argues; well, you could walk a km if you like but 5kms is like wtf?! But then everyone also earns decent money and the three of them enter a sort of argument with the other guy justifying how walking will help them digest food and save money too. The 4th guy then gives up on the argument and prefers to take the auto which charges him 40 rupees. He reaches home half an hour before every one does, but feels sad about how he couldn't convince the others to take the auto along with him which could have saved him 30 rupees. Strange, the ways of the world, he feels. Basically he realized it turned out to be some ego issue with a 3 on 1 situation and survival of the 'fittest' too. Is the 4th guy doomed for life if he doesn't change his ways? Is he not respecting evolution?

Well, if you ask me to analyse the above story, no body was irrational. Everyone just did what made sense to him. I mean the 4th guy could say the other guys were fools, wanting to save 10 rupees and walking 5Kms for that, but something will stop him. That is he can't just say what made sense to him is the best possible thing. It may be for him, but not for others. This is the heart of the discussion. You can never claim that at any given moment your actions were rational and what others did was irrational, for the very simple reason stated above. People have different levels of intelligence, things that make sense to one person are different than things that make sense to other people. While there may be many people who will buy your argument but you just cannot convince the whole world into believing in your definition of rationality. Take for example this blog post, it will make sense to many and not so much sense to others. Its all about feelings and perceptions and these, vary from people to people. Then, why, may i ask, is there a need to define rationality when no one is qualified enough to grasp its meaning.

But and this is a big BUT, there will always be some enlightened men, who gauge both sides of an argument and scrutinize the very process of defining rationality and then move on without defining rationality as a word but taking it as believing in something that makes sense, for the benefit of the whole society, always weighing in situations thoroughly before jumping to conclusions, understanding the very subtle argument that people with increasing amounts of intuitive powers and the intelligence to distinguish between intuition and prejudice, will have increasing amounts of clarity of the meaning of rationality and logic. With this heavy realization i have nothing more to say but that, I take pride in the fact, that I am one such man.

I am not one among you, don't count me as your normal friend. I am very different from what you are, i am neither a superior nor an inferior, i belong to a different dimension, a different universe altogether. Thanks for your time. Ciao.

Akash Srivastava, Amit Gupta, Karan Grover, Sunanda Khosla

2009-10-25T23:34:00.008+05:30

[ Edit: 28th November,2009 :: Vineet Pandey's name has been intentionally removed from the title, for the greater good. I don't admire him anymore, he is fake. ]

In mathematics and physics, the dimension of a space or object is informally defined as the minimum number of coordinates needed to specify each point within it.

The Definition is so repulsive that it sucks. Dimension to me is something that everyone perceives in the same manner, be it formal or informal. There is no definition a layman ascribes to dimensions. It is just a notion of walls, boundaries and edges. We see the length, breadth and height and these are the three dimensions for us, which are a result of associating space with coordinates. But then the dimensions were introduced to us as a part of making us educated men, though how the notion of knowing dimensions help in making a man educated still makes me scratch my head. A mason knows that he has to arrange bricks on a floor, unknowingly formalizing the notion of length and breadth, plus he has to stack them one on top of the other to give it a space objects can occupy; thus formalizing what height means as a dimension.

Now Sir Albert Einstein felt something missing in his life. He thought that with life, we grow older and die, so time also is another thing that every human perceives in equality and in equanimity. Thus it helped him conclude that Time just has to be dimension, supported by the argument that in this universe every event can only be described in completion when you specify the coordinates of the place where it happened and also tell when it happened. One example i can state here is if i were to describe the death of my Grandfather, in its completion, i must say when he died along with the coordinates of space where he took his last breath. So far so great. Mathematically formalized, makes physics great, gave the world a new notion of what relativity means.

The only question i have against it is that does everyone has the same notion of what time is? Does everyone perceive of time in the same manner? If you and i think of length, breadth and height as the same, does it mean that we rationalize time in similar ways too? I'm sorry i don't think so. Okay, in support of my argument i'd like to introduce you to two people, Vybap and Gipmu. Now Vybap just went to a trek in the hills, a trek deep into the higher ranges of the Himalayas.He went there for a week with a few mates of his. Every single day brought him a new challenge, he had to overcome his worst fears, saw the untouched beauty of nature which filled him with awe and reverence, in conclusion, he had the time of his life. The week for him passed so quickly that he never even felt time sliding by. He relives the time he spent through his memories amazed by how fast time really flies.

Gipmu on the other hand had the worst week of his life. He proposed to the girl he loved from the deepest trenches of the ocean of love that he carries in is heart, but the girl refused. He could never understand how the girl could never decipher his feelings and all he got was a cold No, a no that he won't soon forget. During this week he talked to his closest friends who tried to console him but then deep down he got hurt. He couldn't concentrate at all, didn't sleep well and some part of him died that week. Later he said "this was The worst week ever, did someone freeze time for me? Because I think its been ages since i proposed and got a No."

Well. Be honest and tell me if you realized that these people had a different notion of how the 604 800 seconds went by. Vybap almost couldn't realize how time flew and Gipmu could feel every second taking its toll on him and the notion of time grow heavy with every passing second. Time for me is not what everyone perceives in the same manner. For happy people there is no feeling of time passing by, for people who are sad every passing minute makes them realize the sluggishness of time.

Is it then justified to call time a dimension at all, just because it makes Physics interesting and helps the humans delve deeper into discovering what laws govern this Universe and what is life after all? Hasn't it yet dawned on you how fast the three years of your engineering have flown by and this fucking semester never seems to end? What the Fuck is Time?

This is an Eye Catching Title

2009-09-22T21:53:00.004+05:30

I keep waiting for these phases in life when i feel both down and out. The whole world then just shrinks down and i start thinking a lot. A lot more than i usually do. But then i don't think about the things i normally think about. I think about death, and how fascinating death really is. I mean its THE only thing that removes all the pain and all the suffering from human life just like that. Human death brings pain to the near and dear ones but then suffering is a part of life, and really its a vicious circle and no one can escape it. For all i care about, i'm just eagerly awaiting the day it will all end for me.

Enough talking about death, its time to talk about life. Life in all its glory is meaningless. People who could never find any meaning in life tried to give it some meaning, while others wasted their time on this earth cribbing about how there is no purpose they can attach to their lives. Some people think they are leading a life different from others. Take for example how one fine day you could say that Bear Grylls leads a life very different from the life your dad lives. Is it just because he is famous man who comes on television and inspires a million others. A person who looks happy all the times, and says that he's just happy with what he does. Do you think you'll watch his show if started crying on television about how he too feels that life is just a shit hole and nothing? At various times in life, people try to associate meaning with life just because they all know it deep down that there is nothing they can do about it. That we are all just chained up and the best we can do is to stop thinking about how bleak things are and just wear a happy mask that other people notice and thereby distract us from slipping to where we know we will never return from.

People do The Art Of Living course, they join the Landmark Forum because they somehow, amazingly alleviate their suffering. For what i know its just like repainting the your home. For many years the paint will stick to the walls, but then it'll slowly age and fall off. You can't stop the rains and the harsh sunlight and the strong winds from thrashing away the glory of your walls. All you can do is just repaint, and repaint and repaint until the day your home eventually collapses.

I don't want to wear any paint of any sort and any color. I understand that this pain and suffering is all we are ordained to have and happiness is just a part and parcel of life. I don't want to challenge the norms and commit suicide, i don't want to end my life so soon. I just want to live and see how much more my beliefs strengthen, and by beliefs i mean the beliefs in my philosophy and then i want to live to see myself die. I want to talk to a man whose about to die, for no Gautam Buddha, no sage, no Sri Sri Ravi Shankar holds more wisdom than a man who knows that he's about to die. The end of it all, the end of suffering, the end of happiness, the end of attachment ! Freed from the chains of misery, no life to look forward to, no life to look back at, just slipping in the vacuum of time, all by yourself, slowly and surely slipping from the memories of the near and dear ones, as the notion of your life fades away, and it all becomes clear that it never was the way you thought it was, and how your life was as inconsequential as you always feared it to be :)

Bubble and Chubble Talk _the_ Talk

2009-08-19T16:10:00.008+05:30

Arjit: i want to be the boy in ur dreams

me: i dont drea of boys

Arjit: no boy ever appeared in ur dreams ??

impossible

me: sorry man but u just rammed into a truck load of bad luck

Arjit: thats wud be u => the truck load of bad luck

how was ur presentation

i didnt respond yesterday

me: presentation nvr happnd

he saw the product

Arjit: cuz i saw it later

me: and i dont giv a fcuk if he liked it or hated it

tho they said it was appreciated i dont believe it

Arjit: why not?

me: coz i wasnt there so basically ..!..

idc because idk

Arjit: i usually don't get ur short forms

this is one of those times

me: i dont care because i dont know

idc coz idk

Arjit: hmmm...thats strange..for something u worked so hard for and lost ur night's sleep !!

that's worth one min of VP's attention

me: yeah thats why i jus decided im not joining this firm

if u cant giv recognition u cant expect me to work

thats it

i mean i want to be the arjun who will eventually succeed

but there is no krishna who would vouch for that

Arjit: there is no krishna in ne other company either.. that'll just mean u won't join ne company

no guarantee of getting recognition newhere..

just gotta keep trying

and trusting ur luck

me: hmm atleast somme other guys will pay me more

Arjit: hehehe

now thats an argument

me: i m not willing to work for 6 lks

Arjit: thats valid

me: and do work that i dont even like

i'd better sit at home

u know i'd like to say this

i always pretend to be a normal guy, but in the end i nvr end up being the normal guy

hehehh and thats not blowing my own trumpet coz i aint proud of that

its just that it recurs time after time

Arjit: we're all wannabee normal ..no point trying..we're too far from it

i wish someone caught swine flu in symantec

we'll get a vacation

ppl r generally taking leaves in other companies

me: well i get a 9 da off

i dont like my work that much

i spend my time doing other stuff

heheheh

but it was a challenge and i fucked it

well see i'd giv the impression that im working hard

and im interested in the firm

Arjit: no u nailed it...wrong word

me: but thats not true

its the way u go about a challenge

Arjit: atleast tu mann maar kar kaam kar sakta hai

me: its all about the killer instinct man which we all have been lacking

u think that way ?

Arjit: ur work in PS is testimony for that

me: well its a challenge at ur personal level

i mean if somebody dies in ur family

u have to learn to live wihtout them

u cant bring'em back right

Arjit: ya...

me: so its like zeher peete chalo

hoping ull strike upon amrit some day

Arjit: so was it a necessity ?? or u took it as a challenge..wat was the driving force

me: driving force was the killer instinct spirit which i need to rekindle

Sent at 3:50 PM on Wednesday

me: i mean u gotta learn something out of it

and guess thats the best teaching i take out of the whole situation

Arjit: u rem...abt one yr bak we used to talk of the same things..and u said i'll never do something i don't like doing...thats the way i am

while i said somethings are necesaary..can't do without em

me: yesss :)

Arjit: things sure have changed

me: i so remember that

but then dont u think i took it in a better spirit now

i mean if i am free ill do waht i want

Arjit: yess..im glad

me: but then if i cant help it

why challenge the system if u know ull fail

it'll only bring more pain

why not take it as a challenge to come out

with the confidence that u can do anything

and add that in ur stride

when ur pursuing what u've always wanted

Arjit: that's wat is driving u...i got it...u know ur pursuing wat u've always wanted

god i so wish that was me saying

me: u jus gave me goosbumps

i mean we caan jus egg each other on so well

dont u think ur doing what u've always wanted

Arjit: not rite now...in the company

me: i mean now that u are doing cat preps

Arjit: ya thats all fine

me: where is the problem then ?

Arjit: i wish i cud get rid of this PS..which btw consumes 75% of my time and energy

me: am i not in the same position

and u my friend are no less in any form than i am

Arjit: but thats part of the process for u...for me it's like completely out of the way

Sent at 3:59 PM on Wednesday

me: it is not even that contrasting , i mean i havent ben telling u what i do these days

but i'd not like to now

also

Arjit: hmmm..thats rite

me: but believe me the picture isnt that rosy at all

i jus wanna see u fuck some shit real hard man

u have all it takes

just the patience is all u need

and i mean the day u start working on it

you'll only keep building it

its like the dirt, if u leave the room as it is and dont disturb it, itll keep accumulating on its own

Arjit: hehe...thnx man..

means a lot to me

i solved my first mock cat today

nailed it !!

me: nice!

but at office

hehehe

Arjit: no...at office alrite..but in the morning..5-8

me: :O

Arjit: i often spend the nite at office

same for dalal

me: nite at office

whoa man

Arjit: ya..there r bunk beds here

me: yeah yeah even here but thats good man

Arjit: lot of peace for studying...plus the house is a big mes

me: awesome infact

hehe

well u deserve an applause

clap

Arjit: loda clap...for sleeping in the office...wat a loser i am !!

the janitors luk at me in amazement :D

hahaha

me: no for taking out time for ur dreams

Arjit: hehe

ppl know i stay all the time...they just don't have the right to sy nething

it's weird

*say

me: heheh :D

u shudnt care about that, and i know that u dont

Arjit: exactly

me: chalo man its tym to do what i like to do :)

heheeh

will catchya later

Arjit: sure

me: this chat is my blogpost

Arjit: 1111

tata

me: ciao

ohh n btw its my time to eat

ha ha :D

Arjit: stuff all u want

Sent at 4:10 PM on Wednesday

Tête-à-Tête

2009-08-13T00:46:00.008+05:30

In times like these, its hard to take some time out for yourself. You find yourself in a new city, miles away from college, just swarming with people you don't know, faces you don't recognize, expressions you can't understand, emotions you can't comprehend, talents you can't judge, smiles you can't respond to, security you can't breach, authority you can't challenge, tension that gives you sleepless hours in the bed, aspirations that fly high in the sky, appreciation lurking in the altars, fame that begs to be grabbed, names that ought to be taken and hopes you hope will come true.

Its hard to picture yourself against the alien surroundings, and it forces you to go back to your

shell, your comfort zone, back to the place where you belong, where you already have an identity, the same cube of which you have been a part for so long, where the huge walls don't scare you, and in fact where the walls shield you and keep you warm. The challenge of carving a new niche for yourself seems a daunting task, but its a challenge you just have to accept because first, life doesn't give you the time to look back in time, and secondly life only makes sense

when you look backwards, so at every moment moving forward is the only sensible choice.

Today I choose to write about myself. In a sense it gives me the impression that i am really

devoting myself the time i deserve and not the time that i need; trying to understand myself

by delving deeper into what I say and how I react to various situations and the way my

thought process works. It also gives me a chance to present myself to the world minus all the

sham and the embellishment. But then its only me who vouches for the fact that the information

here hasn't been garnished in a way that makes it more presentable and there is no one to verify

my claims here, but that it is the way I feel about myself and i wish that somehow you would

understand.

From being the guy who is totally into metal to being a guy who's favourite song happens to be

'Coming Back To Life'; from being the guy who screwed up acads in his college life to being the

guy who feels like repeating every damn course they taught in college just to show that he still

has the desire to learn; from being a guy who does almost anything to make people laugh and

goes on to crack jokes on himself to being the guy who weeps in his heart of hearts at times and

finds it almost impossible to get through what he actuallly feels like; from being the guy who

wants to help his friends get out of their shit to being the guy who actually ends up doing nothing

to alleviate their pain; from being the guy who almost does things without taking any self into

account most of the times to being a guy who ends up being called selfish most of the times; from being a guy who still likes to solves those math puzzles, collect those coins, still pursuing those chilhood hobbies to being the guy who still likes to look into the night sky, not observing anything but just gazing at those stars hoping to go into space some day; from being the guy who dreamt of becoming a really big shot astrophysict to being the guy who now just wants to spend an unobtrusive life; from being a guy who likes to talk less to being the guy who ends up saying more; from being a guy who thinks that every human being is equal to being the guy who regards

himself above all others when it comes to applying common sense; from being a guy who likes

to keep a low profile to being the guy who ends up getting all the undeserved attention; from

being the guy who just loves to speak his mind to being the guy who always ends up dishonouring lost of the people; from being the guy who does thing the best when he does it the first time to being the guy who gets bored of anyhting and everything; from being a guy who never shows that he cares to being the guy who loves some people from the core of his heart; from being a guy who wants to change himslef to being the guy who thinks that he is best the way he is; from being a guy who loves life to being a guy who finds life pointless and from being the guy who always starts a blogpost with a certain intention to being a guy who ends up saying nothing at all.

I keep discovering and rediscovering myself. Life is short, and I learn from the river. The river

never stops for anyone, and so won't I.

Thanks for the time, ciao.

Gosh, Why Do I Leave The Title For The End

2009-07-29T17:56:00.011+05:30

No Dude! Please Dude!

Listen Me Out, Wont you?

Wont you be my virtual friend. Wont you want to know whats happened to me?

Wont you want to know why i am not online these days and why i am just so indifferent.

Okay, to cut things short, i'm just not doing good. Its not about work and intern and new city and the weather. Its just the first time i have felt a nostalgia so overpowering that every time i listen to "Coming Back To Life", not only does every plucked string send a shiver down my spine, but it also eventually lands me up in tears. By the way you have to hide your face every time you cry in office. But then its not that it is unmanageable or something.

You know my eyes are so heavy now, just after a fresh dose of the same song i mentioned above, i can barely write but i have to because i need to. Its been that kind of a week. I guess it all started after i decided to just read through the very old scraps on orkut. Its just that refreshing smell of the friendship i got which has changed into that stale air in a matter of 3 years. I used to talk to so many friends at that time which i do no more and i just don't know how to put it words i feel when i go through those scraps. Its like how hugely we all have changed in just 3 years. Turned into more stupid, less intelligent, ironically more responsible and mature human beings. All this time i kept bragging how i have never changed and how i never want to change but as a matter of fact, i have and it hurts when i introspect, but time does that to everyone, this i have realized and accepted. I have never felt so lonely in life. In BITS whenever i used to feel this way i had some one or the other in whom i confided in, but there is no-one here. I am just a wanderer on my own, talking on the phone doesn't help and neither do Gtalk chats. I just so want to vent out my feelings but they keep piling up. I miss the times in college. Just miss the first year ki masti, just miss the DudePana of the second year, miss the Rape of the 3rd year. Miss school, miss home, miss behen, miss Zappi, miss everyone. I just wish at least one of my really good friends was here right now. But time is the best healer, its the best doctor and the best surgeon. I hope it will do its job well. And Now that i'm already crying, i wont stop myself this time too, so guys bye. And i so miss all the good and the bad times.

Take Care.

Life's Little Ironies

2009-06-15T19:32:00.002+05:30

I don't know. What i do know is, that it is not one of the best ways one can start a new blog post or any piece of writing for that matter. But Yeah, I don't know and yet, I do care. I care for the things that happen around me and as a consequence I care for the people who are responsible for things that happen around me. I am neither an egoist nor an egotist. I'm not superior to anyone of you. I might be more intelligent but then it hardly matters if i score a 130 on a IQ test on which my fellows score a 120. Seriously, IQ tests mean shit. I'm also not more emotionally sound than anyone of you. Different things appeal to different people and they react differently. Simply, it is just that. There is only I thing i have found in which I find myself above most of the people I've ever met. It is common sense. Well you might argue then, that if i say that different things appeal to different people which in turn implies that they react differently implies that their judgement varies. Well, no doubt it is correct, but a correct judgement is something which one can defend if the need be. If somebody fails to defend that, then it should be pronounced as false judgement. Correct?

Okay so this is precisely what has been happening. It has happened on numerous occasions, people around me have time and again failed to justify their actions to me. The way people react to crunch situations; situations that demand not only their intellectual judgement but their emotional judgement, more often than not puts me in shock. Well the 'Guru's' teach us to accept people as they are, so that's what i am doing Sir, but only with a slight modification. In my mind that person lacks common sense, i accept that person as he is, lacking this sense of judgement. I can't and therefore i won't try to make him understand my feelings. Let him be the way he is, if he can't understand me, there is no point wasting my time on him. Sir, in some cases 'Ignorance IS bliss' and this is just one place the saying fits in beautifully.

In fact to some extent my opinions don't even matter to you. Right? Well neither do yours. I just live by my philosophies, i keep building and rebuilding them over time. I keep walking on this 'Circle of Progress' just like everyone else. Every time i walk myself out of a tricky situation, a more graver one reappears. I improve, update and upgrade myself every time but life's like that, it keeps you poking in the ass time and again. This way i justify the 'Circle of Progress'. I'm sure my philosophy doesn't appeal to everyone and thankfully it does not coz i don't want to end up living my life as a preacher. Look for whatever works for you and as long as you can defend it, you are in for an awesome life.

Remarkably it appears that i have left quite a few loopholes in whatever i have said above. Its pretty evident the only person to whom you must be defending your philosophies is yourself only. But then you can't go on living a life that surrounds only you. No, that is selfish. There will always be people around who really matter to you and to whom you matter. It is in front of those people that you should be able to defend yourself if the need be. Failing in which, with all the respect, in my opinion, that person just lacks judgment, simply lacks COMMON SENSE.

Thanks for your time, and patience. Ta Ta.

Siddharta

2009-06-11T18:50:00.006+05:30

A working sudoku solver finally and i'm free. Free to write and free to express. Its been a really long time since i posted anything new but here it goes. So recently i read this book 'Siddhartha' by Sir Hermann Hesse.

This guy won the nobel prize for literature in 1946 primarily for his work 'The Glass Bead Game'.Couldn't get my hands on that book yet but after reading Siddhartha i got a faint idea of why he must have got that prize. Now i'm not going to narrate the plot of the book but what i will do is i'll just put down some dialogues from the book which i thought were both insightful and beautiful.But before that i'll let you hover your mind over these lines by paulo coelho from his book 'Like the flowing river' (another book worth reading atleast once)

Be like the flowing river,
Silent in the night.
Be not afriad of the dark.
If there are stars in the sky, reflect them back.
If there are clouds in the sky,
Remember, clouds, like the river, are water,
So, gladly reflect them too,
In you own tranquil depths.

And here you go. Some dialogues listed below. Read them kindly, adore them, admire them, praise them and most importantly enjoy them :

Siddharth Gotama to the Hero : " You've heard the teachings O son of a bitch ( sorry thats Brahmin ), and its good that you have thought about them deeply. You've found a gap in it,a mistake. You should think about this further. Let me warn you however,oh seeker of knowledge,of the thikcket of opinions and of arguing about words. Opinions are insubstantial: they may be beautiful or ugly, smart or foolish; everyone can support them or discard them. But the teachings you've heard from me are not my opinions, anfd their goal is not to explain the world to those who seek knowledge. They have a different goal; their goal is salvation from suffering. This is that what Gotama teaches, and nothing else."
Hero to Siddhartha Gotama: "I have not doubted in you for a single moment. You have found salvation from death. It has come to you in the course of your own search, on your own path, through thoughts, through meditation, through realization, through enlightenment. It has not come to you by means of teachings! And so are my thoughts, oh exalted one-nobody will partake in salvation teachings! You will not be able to convey and share with anyone, oh venerable one, in words and through teachings what has happened to you in the hour of enlightenment! There is one thing that the teachings of the do not contain: they do not contain the mystery of what the exalted one among hundreds of thousands has experienced for himself. This is what i have thought and realizes. This is why i am continung my travels- not to seek other, better teachings, for i know there aren't any, but to depart from all teachings and all teachers and either to reach my goal on my own or to die. But i'll often think of this day, oh exalted one, and of this hour, when my eyes beheld a saint."
"Daily, at the very hour appointed by her, he visited beautiful Kamala, wearing pretty clothes, fine shoes, and soon he brought her gifts as well. Much he learned from her red, shrewd mouth. Much he learned from her tender, supple hand. He was, regarding love, still a boy and had a tendency to plunge blindly and insatiably into lust like into a bottomless pit; she taught him, starting with the basics, about that school of thought which teaches that pleasure cannot be be taken without giving pleasure, and that every gesture, every caress, every touch, every look, every area of the body, however small it was, had its secret, which would bring happiness to those who know about it and unleash it. She taught him, that lovers must not part from one another after celebrating love, without admiring one other, without being just as defeated as they are victorious, so that neither one started feeling fed up or bored and get that wicked feeling of having abused or having been abused. He spent wonderful hours with the beautiful and intelligent artist, became her student, her lover, her friend."
Ferryman to Hero: "It is this what you mean, isn't it: that the river is everywhere at once, at the source and at the mouth, at the waterfall, at the ferry, at the rapids, in the sea, in the mountains, everywhere at once, and that there is only the present time for it, not the shadow of the past, nor the shadow of the future?"
Hero to Ferryman : "And when I learned it, I looked at my life, and found that it was also a river, and that the boy Siddhartha was only separated from the man Siddhartha and the old man Siddhartha by only a shadow, and not by something real. Siddhartha's previous births were also no past, and his death and subsequent return to Brahmin was no future. Nothing was, nothing will be; everything is, and everything is present and has existence.
"When someone is searching" said the Hero, "then it can easily happen that the only thing his eyes see is that for which he is searching. He is then unable to find anyhting or let any thought enter his mind because he always thinks of nothing but the object of his search. He is obsessed ny a gial; searching means having a goal. But finding means: being free, open, and having no goal. You oh venerable one, are perhaps indeed a seeker, because in striving for your goal, there are many things that you don't see, even though they are right in front of you."
"Wisdom cannot be passed on. Wisdom that a wise man attempts to pass on to someone always sounds like foolishness. Knowledge can be transferred, but not wisdom. It can be found and lived, and it is possible to be carried by it. Miracles can be performed with it, but it can't be expressed in thoughts with words. This is what has driven me away from teachers. Another thought is that the opposite of every truth is just as true! That is to say, any truth can only be expressed and put into words when it is one sided. Everything that can be thought with the mind and said with words is one sided, its all just the half of it, lacking completeness, roundness or unity."
" Great thinkers may try to thoroughly understand the world, explain it, and despise it. But i'm only interested in being able to love the world, not despise it. I don't want to hate it and have it hate me; i want to be able to look upon it and myself and upon all beings with love, admiration and great respect."

These are only few of lines i found truly amazing. I know it may appear out of context to you guys but as long as you are able to get the gist of it doesn't really matter. Read the book completely and the meanings grow only more profound, only more subtle only more enjoyable and only more awe inspiring.

Hats off to the great artist and his amazing work. I'll keep putting up new posts regularly. Thanks for your time tata :)

ChUn_ChUn : Origins [ Etymology ] & Evolution

2009-04-19T13:57:00.003+05:30

I shall take you back in time, 3 years to be precise. The Events that happened in Chronological order are listed as follows:
(i). Master Amit Gupta with family landed in SHITs Pi*a*n* ( B*TS as we used to call it back then ) in the huge Chevrolet Tavera, in the night time and found accommodation in 173 RAM.
(ii). Parents went away the 3rd day and there we were, some 800 newly admitted students each ready to start a new chapter of ( his/her/whatever) life.
(iii). Registration done. Six subjects to be studied every semester as we got to know. Biology happened to be the subject which we had to study in the first semester itself.
Now see, there are four things you need to know. First RAM was a funny bhavan. Secondly Bio was a funny subject. Thirdly Amit was a funny guy. Lastly Mr. Ashish Runthala ( lets call him Arun in short ) was a funny teacher, and it was decided by heavens that he should teach Master Amit Gupta (a funny resident of a funny bhavan), a funny subject.
Bio never not ever was my no piece of no cake. To top that, Bio classes were scheduled to be held every alternate day early morning 8 o'clock (I’m talking about tutorial classes, lectures in all I attended two.)
Here I describe how I link all the funny things stated above. We used to study our asses off the night before every Bio tutorial. But hey, Arun was no n00b/BooB MEite and he knew his subject well. And with each passing tut, my marks kept dropping. No matter how hard I used to study I could manage at most 2 or 3 out of a maximum of 10. Hate for Arun all this while kept building up. Now I had a fascination for making funny names. The sheer repugnance I used to feel made me come up with a very apt name for him. Thus the first bricks of my Baptism had been laid. I'll not make you wait more and I take sheer pride in telling that I named Arun, simply …… wait…… for ….. It …. Chootiya Runthala ( I important thing I forgot to tell is that the word Chootiya is revered among the guys, because of the sheer amount of condescension with which it is blurted out and how beautifully it pierces the opponents body and impinges on his heart). Well, coming back, RAM was a funny bahvan and so were its inhabitants. With my constant blabbering of his awesome name every time the word Bio came up, my friends decided to call me Chunthala (short form of the prestigious name I gave Arun). Soon the funny inhabitants also capable of coming up with funny names decided that Chunthala had to be rechristened as ChunChun.
Thus was born a legend. A guy for whom I have respect in my mind. He has managed to make so many people laugh (or maybe cry sometimes), but all these years he has not changed one bit. Maybe from the outside, but from deep within I know that this guy has is the same as ever from the inside. We have been together for the last three years and I have seen him brave many a storm. Remarkably, each time, he came out stronger than ever, more mature and a more lovable person each time. The child who is deep within him gives him the strength to keep going on the same path, making people laugh by laughing at himself and that’s how he wants to spend his whole life. I think my bond will him will only get stronger with time and I can’t wait to find out what more he has in store for this world. So do you, don’t you?

The Division Bell

2009-04-15T11:13:00.009+05:30

The ever so mesmerising piano from _Clocks_ fills my mind with reveries. Sweet memories of the times i've spent with my close friends in this desert. But there is a strange apprehension building up. Apprehension about parting from some of my best friends. Isn't it strange? Together, tethered to the this place for 3 years and on one fine day, it dawns upon you that half of your batchmates are gone ? Gone forever ?Gone for good, gone for bad? No one's going to be evaluating the answer to this question. To each his own. Only time will tell. But the fact that they'll be gone stays. I don't intend to make all my readers land up in tears, but just that all should keep an eye on the calender, the days when you start missing your chunchun draw near :)
Its been a really nice semester. Friends have been kind to me and i have been loyal to them. For starters i have cemented my bond with most of the people i had intended to. I knew this was my last chance. This place has given me something, and i'll not be leaving empty handed. Though not many but some really good friends indeed. This is my return gift and i am glad. Though i haven't been as lucky in academics. But i intend not to give up on life. There is so much more to explore and will sooner or later find my Love. No big deal. So many things happened this semester, starting from the trip to hills with haRAMis, 3 days i will never ever forget. The night of 25th January will henceforth be celebrated as Booze night every year and where ever you are ( u know if i'm taking bout u ) you shall drink to mark the love we have for each other remembering all the good times we've spent. Then the batch snaps, which i was so hesitant about initially. Batch snaps was the best thing to happen this semester. Then the 7 day trip with my sis to her and my place and yeah we've come so much closer sis and you know. Finally came the year book and again i was hesitant in giving/taking write-ups. But u know i like these u-turns so much. I like to take longer paths to the same destination not because i'm a loser, but because i like to explore each and every possibility before i finally decide upon something. All the write-ups have landed me in tears. Some reminded me of old times, some just showed how much people care for me. Every write-up is extremely valuable and will remain with me for the rest of my life. Thanks Nitya, Ghana, Gujju, Ghiya and Toffi :)
To those who were not able to write 'write-ups' fot their close friends, i request you to give testimonials on social networking websites to them. You will not understand the importance of a testimonial unless you get one from a close friend.Go give it a try.
This is by far the least time i've put in writing any post and i guess it shows. But then it had been too long and i wanted to blog about whatever was going through my mind. With Clocks playing for the n-th time in loop, i will take leave with just a passing thought.

The Days are drawing near;
And we won't be together anymore;
And I'll just say;
While the sun shines, make hay!

PS: That was pretty shitty i guess :P
But yeah 4 weeks left, enjoy each other's company while ur still together. Ciao. :)

The Secret

2009-03-06T02:30:00.004+05:30

As i sit facing my desktop, flashes of the past cross my mind, bringing back memories. Well some memories make you happy some make you sad, though you always end up with
a mixed bag of emotions. It finally boils down to the fact that either you can rue over the past or you can relish the old memories it brings back.
It all started about 3 years back, when i set first set foot in this Oasis. Like all those stories you hear as a child, this Oasis too turned out to be a mirage, a simple yet deceptive
illusions. You know what is strange about illusions? Its the fact that illusions give you hope to carry on, to reach your goal. Seeing your target in sight you run with full enthusiasm towards it. Along the way expectations build up. You run with more effort, putting as much as you can in every stride and then exhaustion starts to set in. You slow down, close your eyes and take a deep breath. You open your eyes only to find out that your goal is still as far away from you as it was when you started. Then it dawns upon you that all this time when you were moving towards your goal, your goal also kept moving away from you at the same rate. You finally give up. But all this taught you a lesson. You would never fall for such illusions again but at the back of your mind there is always a nagging fear. The fear of making the same mistake again and you start living your life in a constant fear. Your steps become smaller and smaller with time and then slowly you pass out.
The paragraph above describes the all these years i have spent in this place but not the same goes for the last two weeks. About two weeks back i saw a movie/documentary titled "The_Secret." The video not only put me in shock and awe but also changed my whole perspective on life. It made me realize a certain things which i am going to be listing down. First, the importance of realizing your true desires and then visualizing yourself as a part of your dreams. Secondly, the notion that _you are and you achieve what you keep thinking about. Thirdly that you are not born with a purpose and that you define and write your own purpose. All this and the fact that life can only be understood connecting the dot's backwards has turned my whole thought process upside down. From being the sad pessimist that i was to becoming a more optimistic guy, i now try to take in the positives from any situation rather than debating on the negatives. From being the guy who had an opinion on everything and about everyone to becoming a non judgmental person. From being a atheist to person who believes in God and not necessarily destiny and luck. I seem to have realized that the best way to live life is to live it the normal way. For no matter how hard i have tried to escape the normal life style and defining a style which i thought will suit me, it never did. But that's just a part of the illusion that i have described. A normal life is the best possible way to lead a life. The higher you go, the harder you fall. Only a free mind can house constructive thoughts and i have certainly never felt this relaxed before. Not that i have completely changed or something but no matter how small the change is, it seems promising. And that is hope my friend. The thin line between hope and expectation has to be carefully spotted. Also i keep realizing the meaning and implication of this line from The Alchemist : "its all about reading the signs." The importance of understanding gut-feelings becomes stronger every day and some day i hope ill learn how to tap in my intuitions.
Ah well! You might not realize but its almost been two hours since i started on this post. I would advise you to watch the documentary. It will change the way you look at life provided, you hear patiently to what it has to say. Lastly, any sort of comments in any form are welcome. Ciao!

Rational fears, Irrational behavior

2009-02-13T20:01:00.000+05:30

The pressure was building. With peers bringing out new posts @ the rate of 111 per day, i felt i was begining to lose another race and hence immediate action was required and what results is another bullshit post for i can’t write sensible stuff at all.
So there are weak personalities on Earth i thought, only to find out that even weaker exist. They are not only weak personalities, they are simply pathetic people. WIth brains that don’t function and with hearts that can’t sense emotion. People who have a sense of humor so bad , you want to slap their face every time they try to crack you up. People who are so damn engorssed in thinking about themselves all day long, they don’t care about what others have to say. People who look into the mirror and take pride in what they see, when in fact they are mere condescending maggets who look more ugly than your barber’s crap ever did.
Yeah well, so one month of the penultimate semester has passed, though not in the blink of an eye. This time i have felt everyday, every hour go by very slowly. I have no fear of missing my friends here because frankly i did not make many. This sem everyone is busy with their studies because after all every one has a vision, a dream to fulfill. So people hardly care to buzz on Gtalk, they shy away from going to night canteens with you lest you might end up wasting one hour of their extremely important lives. I wish them luck, but luck is a bitch mind you. And then there are people who won’t come on gtalk at all. As long as it serves them good i wish them too all the success in their endeavors, keeping in mind that only very few actually succeed and i don’t see any such personalities around me.
I went to a trip to the hills a few days back. It was the best thing to happen in a very long time. I was close to nature, and i loved it. In the mountains with cold breeze blowing on your face, i realized what shit we humans have turned their lives into. But nevermind for everyone has different set of priorities and the same applies to me too.
Looking back down on my yester years i feel like crying sometimes. But then the same goes for most of you, am i right? Those were the years to relish. I used to e a pretty optimistic guy back then. That
time i did not study for a purpose, i studied for the sheer pleasure studying brought me. I don’t know what the problem is but i can’t seem to find any subjects anymore. The only reason i’m studying this sem is because i want to improve my CGPA, not knowing if it will even help me in any way or not. But yeah there is the constant nagging from my parents side and i dont want to let them down.
Yeah but there is one thing that keeps me interested this sem and that is all the beautiful girls we see around campus this sem. I don’t know where from they have suddenly appeared but its a pleasant surprise none the less. And yeah i wan’t to relish my penultimate semester, so i won’t disclose any of the things which hurt me or keep me sad. I can’t waste your precious time. I on the other hand am not out of time at all, i like to live and learn at my pace and these bullshit exams won’t bog me down, though it hurts when my efforts fail fruition. There are people who i’ll be seeing for the last time and it is my request that they don’t mind if i block them or remove them from my Gtalk list forever.

Finally you are requested not to post any nonsense comments. If you agree with me, then put forth anything that brings new light to the dark story. If you don’t agree then i request

you to keep your fingers off that keyboard.
” Earn you bread, Or thank heavens for what you have.”

My Chemical Romance

2009-02-13T19:53:00.001+05:30

As you sit in your dormitory, with your computer as the only one to giving you company, you read the following conversation you just had:

hiii

Amit:

well !
hi

kya hua??

Amit:

nothing

kya chal raha hai??

Amit:

kuch khaas nahi

Sent at 7:54 PM on Monday
Amit:

kya chal raha hai??

songs sun rahi hoon

Sent at 7:58 PM on Monday
Amit:

kya hua kuch baat karne ko nahi ?

arey kuch search kar rahi thi
tu bata kuch
kya kya kiya holz me??

maasi k ghar gaya kuch din
aur baaki time ek dost k saath nikaal diya

hmm
hmm
delhi me hi
??

Amit:

zyada dost nahi rh gaye hain
ab to contacts ban kar reh gaye hain vo
nahi maasi dehradoon mein th

snowfall hui vahan??

Amit:

nahi

kahin busy ho kya tum abhi??

Amit:

mai hheee
mai kabhi busy nahi hota yaar

acha
hmmmm
i c

Amit:

mai apne aap ko chhodkar sabhi ko busy paata hoon
ye to maine bataya bhee hai

arey
numb3rs dekha hai tumne?/

Amit:

nahi
kyu

bohat sahi hai
dekh na

Amit:

nahi

acha hai
sahi me

Amit:

i know
i just dont want to

acha

Amit:

tune dekha hai kya
?

tabhi to bol rahi hoon

Amit:

nahi matlab dekh rahi hai kya ?

naa
abhi nahi dekh rahi
but dekha hai maine

Amit:

okay
there is a series on DC titled ’story of india’
watch that
and also ‘man vs wild’

You realize you never expected such a dull conversation with someone who you thought, was pretty close to you. You then buzz your sister and ask her for after dinner walk. She agrees. You move out of your room, not switching the lights off because you fear the dark. You meet her. You don’t greet her, but the eyes say it all for you. You walk through different areas of the campus. You see girls and boys together, in small groups and in big groups. You see some of the groups making noise, girls and boys alike, laughing loud. Sometimes you see the odd girl and boy holding hands, and giggling on certain occasions. As you pass them, you look into the girl’s eyes and you know from inside that it is not just a look that you give, its a probing stare but you let them pass without a saying a word. You don’t know them after all. Finally you accompany your sister to her hostel. You don’t say goodbye. You just turn back. Again your eyes saying what your mouth couldn’t.

You come back to your dormitory. You switch on the computer and listen to an ‘Emo’ band. You ponder over the fact that you are bginning to see more and more girls on campus and that too with guys. The only problem is that none of the girls you saw were from your batch. Thousands of reasons cross your mind as to why this happened. The one which you have the hardest time accepting but the one that easily explains everything is that you are just plain unlucky. But blaiming it on bad luck doesn’t help the purpose. As you ponder more, you get an idea. The idea is to blog about whatever you felt.
What results, is this post.
But as you come towards the end of the post you feel you might have digressed too much into the girl-boy topic. But anyways you expect people to understand. Every batch mate of yours feels the same way, only you decided to say it in words and publicly.
As you end the following line still rings in your brain : When you go/ Would you even turn to say/ “I don’t love you/ Like I did/ Yesterday”
You let the lines sink deep into you and you stop writing.

No time for a suitable Title

2009-02-13T17:16:00.001+05:30

There are days when People like giving a long hard thought on how to go about beginning a new post and make a really good impression on the reader, thereby with unobtrusive naivety, giving first impression is the last impression a whole new sick, decadent and spineless meaning. To hell i say because it don’t mean no shit to me.

Okay. So, today apparently doesn’t happen to be one of those days and _The plebeian_ would have no problems admitting to the fact. Arrogance? Maybe. Unjustified? Overruled. Crap? I concede.

Today i thought about people. Yeah, People. Some of them are your friends, some of them are not friends, yet they are friends none the less. Maybe not your friends, but, someone Else’s friends. Must be. How can a person not be a friend to anyone. The conjecture, need not feed on some Einstein’s mechanical mind for its proof . Even you guys can prove it. To each, his own ,they say, and they say it so well. But the fact is that no one needs to prove the veracity of the assumptions he takes in building the proof. And thus we have 6 billion or so different proofs, unpublished but True, none the less.

Secondly Nations don’t feed on infrastructure for growth, the feed on the minds of the citizens. The better the quality, the faster the growth. Growth that, not necessarily can be verified and put on paper, but growth that reflects on peoples‘ faces. Nothing holds back a nation like one thing. And that happens to be double standards which People follow, pursue, practice but never acknowledge because nobody tells them that they follow them. No. Actually, they don’t follow it voluntarily. They become a part of it. Jumping in the bandwagon never served anyone any good. Wake up to the fact, or you can stay as you are, ’cause you know what they said about ignorance being bliss and all.

You has to be very careful in selecting People who will be the future victims of thecaustic crap you will throw on them some day eventually. One mishit and you lose another friend nay you lose many, many friends.

Most importantly, i gave term to a strange feeling that i had been feeling for long. I like to call it Obfuscated Repugnance. Just browse through the pages of your 1million page oxford dic for a better understanding of the rather hidden meaning.

Thus completes yet another adventure in trying to keep up with the People of this fast paced and developing nation. A place where People always end up playing the catch up game.