A virtue called perseverance

Lately, I've been thinking; trying to tie together the various conversations I've had with my friends over all these years; attempting to correlate them with my own learning by seeking examples of events in my life where I've failed and others, where I've succeeded. The theme of this post is then to provide you with a justification, unsolicited as it may be, of why in my opinion perseverance is a virtue. Before I narrate my story, I'd like you to stop and think for a moment about things that you've really loved doing, about how much you've persevered with those things and how being good at those has added to your confidence and made you happier, however diminutive that happiness may have been.

If you and I think alike you'd agree that whatever you're good at, you've become good only after persevering with it relentlessly, consciously or subliminally. Although some of you may beg to differ saying that there's always an innate talent behind everything one is good at, but I believe that talent only provides a good first step, the proverbial steppingstone to success. It's only perseverance that wins you marathons, though talent may make you win the 100m sprint race. Nobody becomes great by mere talent. Great men have persevered immensely to reach such heights that if we've seen further, we've seen further by standing on the shoulders of these very giants. Talent gives you intuition, but rigor gives you proof; if talent gives you the edge, rigor puts you beyond reach. A little talent with a lot of hard-work is the only concoction of sublime success.

I'm sure you're enticed to ask me, why did I bother writing about this when this is all common knowledge? Turns out, this knowledge is as common as common sense itself. The reality is that this knowledge is now hidden deep beneath the shards of short cuts to success. We have been educated in a country, where the criteria of admissions to the top colleges is based on solving a 200 questions in a span of 3-6 hours. You are expected to pay as much attention to an unfamiliar problem as you would to a beggar 10 Km from your house. Solving familiar problems is the key to success, and by repeatedly training yourself to ace these exams, you lose the ability to tackle any unfamiliar challenge in your life. And life is anything but a series of very familiar problems. Anything you wish to be good at starts off as an unfamiliar problem, the choice is yours whether you want to leave it, or see to it that you become good at it, by persevering with that problem.

Over the years my friends have expressed their total lack of talent for various things in life, be it academics or learning a musical instrument, and I've always asked them only one question; whether they've persevered for long enough to become good at those things. The answer has always been, that they couldn't continue because they felt they lacked the requisite talent. And I've smiled inwardly and almost sardonically because I believe that one can be good at anything as long as one has the desire to be good at it. If you have a goal and you wish to continue no matter what, then nobody can stop you from reaching your goal. If you haven't a goal, then that's a different matter altogether.

I feel that learning to program and learning the guitar were both very hard for me initially. Of course, there are the moments when I was exhausted and I felt the need to just give up, but all it took to keep going was that vision; the vision that got me started in the first place. I believe that if you can keep that vision ensconced within your heart, then any challenge that appears as a elephant at first is just an ant masquerading as one. This is not the occasion to brag about myself, though it may appear so. My intent solely, was to put this seed of thought in your mind that whenever you are confronted with doubt, you just have to close your eyes and conjure up that vision that you've locked up deep within. It will make your challenges seem small and your dream well within your reach! With that, I'd like to end this post wishing you success in your endeavors. Your dreams are within your reach, if you've decided not to quit. Thanks for your time.

The Death of Education

The case is the current state of confusion surrounding IITJEE 2013 and the single entrance test (AICEE?) being proposed to reduce stress on the students of our country.


The first time I heard about this new proposal by the MHRD, I was actually pretty dismayed. I mean, the intention was to reduce the stress on students, but you just don't do it by eliminating 10 exams and having one instead. Then I thought for a while, that maybe I'm not able to see through things and my instincts are getting the better of my judgment. No doubt that there having a lot of exams unduly stresses out the students. As a BITSian I should know better, but having just one exam will put all the more stress on them, is what I feel. Now, the students will have the added burden of performing well on one particular day, their efforts of two or more years culminating in a test of 6 hours and the worst part is, they won't get another chance until the next year. This is my biggest qualm about the new proposal. Anyone can have a bad day. A lot of students crumble under pressure. Earlier we could at least think about doing well in AIEEE even if we had a bad IITJEE, but now what?


The way some of the IITs have come out defending the JEE just shows their shallow thinking and their sense of insecurity surrounding the threatened JEE. As an autonomous institution the IITs have an undeniable right to conduct their own exam and select students that should perform well in their engineering education framework. Mark Twain in his book The Adventures of Tom Sawyer says that, "In order to make a man or a boy covet a thing, it is only necessary to make the thing difficult to obtain". Isn't this precisely why the JEE is such a coveted examination? It is a difficult examination that filters out (or rejects) 98% of the examination takers, making it probably the most competitive examination in world. No wonder, only the most prepared, and sometimes only the most high IQed students crack the exam. The IITs are definitely proud of the quality of students getting in. But, are the IITs equally proud of the students getting out too? Doesn't the IITians also comprise a good part of the 83% engineers in India who are actually unemployable in the IT industry? My concern is that why are the most premier institutions in India worried about taking in the best of the students? Why aren't they inclined towards taking in the most interested students, and groom them to become excellent engineers? There lies the root of the problem. 


Our education system insidiously pushes a large majority of students in the direction of engineering entrance-exam preparations in classes 11th and 12th. The situation is worse now where children are starting JEE preparations from class 8th onwards. If the child is good at Math and Science, he is not allowed to think beyond IITJEE. What entails then, is a grueling narrow-minded exam preparation lasting two or more years. And what is born out of it is a talented set of students who naively enter engineering institutions without knowing a thing about engineering and more importantly, without knowing what they want to do with their lives. The faculty at these institutions, the parents of these children, and the society as a whole is oblivious of this problem. Rather than letting the children explore their interests and find their dream, the society thrusts its dreams on our children. For some, luckily the dreams reconcile while others, sadly, suffer in the next four years of jail and look for MBA/Civil Services as soon as they are set free.


What we need is a change in the pattern of thinking and not a change in the pattern of our examinations. A change in the way we educate our children. We shouldn't expect a 15 year old to decide on his career path. We have to give him time to explore his interests and find a dream if he doesn't have any. We need a society that supports all children and not a one that hails a few and derides the others. Then only, we will have a nation of motivated youth, who are happy with what they have and contribute back to the society with their knowledge, and not a society of unemployed youth who are looked down upon because they weren't allowed to dream in the first place. With that, I would like to end. I hope I made sense. Thanks for your time and please share your comments!

What I learned in the last two years.

My first job has been a great learning experience. The work was pretty banal but I learned a lot of life lessons in the last two years. These are best summed up in the adieu letter that I wrote to all my colleagues. Here goes~

Hello Friends,

All good things come to an end and rightfully so. When the fruit is ripe, it falls of the tree and similarly I'm metaphorically falling off the tree that fed me for two years. The time has come for me to move on gracefully and tomorrow is my last day at Avaya.

My journey has been sinusoidal and now I wish to share my learning with you. Nobody would like to read a morally instructive email coming from somebody smaller their age, but this is my adieu email and everyone reads adieu emails, or I would like to assume so. Here are my two cents.

 I have learned that every person has at least one special quality. We must desire to learn from everyone.

• People often judge other people too soon and not surprisingly these judgments are hollow and a result of biases and prejudices. We must always give a person enough time before judging him.
• There isn't any harm in running after something that makes you happy and does not leave you exhausted. If running after money makes you happy, keep running. Some people run after knowledge and happily so.
• One cannot judge a fish on its ability to climb up a tree. Everyone in their heart knows what they are best at. Trust your intuition and fight for your right!
• As we grow older, we tend to bottle up emotions and not express ourselves. Don't let this happen to you! What would happen if you cover a light bulb with an opaque black box? There wouldn't be any light. Enlighten the world with your ideas.
• I learned that maturity doesn't necessarily come with age. Neither does it come with quality education. It comes from introspection.
• One shouldn't spend too much time and money on material things. We must take out time for ourselves. Spend some time closer to nature with family and friends. Money might bring you an AC car, but you feel so much better in the cool monsoon breeze.
• One man may not change the system, but one man may inspire many others who can collectively change the system!

This is best I could do, summarizing my learning of the last two years. My interactions with you have been enjoyable and rewarding. I don't promise to stay in touch, but I'll do my best. Take care and have a great life. You aren't here for eternity, make every second count :)

Of friends and dreams.

Do I not want to hang out with a bunch of my best friends? Would I not like to go on a trek with a bunch of adventurous youngsters? Wouldn't I rather spend a Sunday, watching back to back movies? Why would I not start of watching another epic sitcom/drama? Why can't I study physics and do mathematics anymore? Don't I feel like going out shopping with a girl? Why would I mind going on a cycling expedition to the western ghats? Shouldn't I have been to Goa already?! Why am I the only one who has not been to B'lore to meet my some of my best friends there? Am I missing out on life?

I don't plan to answer each question I've asked. They were rhetorical in nature anyway. Yet, I have the answer to the last question. The question was for me, I'll be the one who answers it. So, am I missing out life? The answer is a simple No. I am not missing out anything in life. I am instead looking for something that has been missing in my life for long. I have no qualms about being public about it. This blog has exposed me enough, anyway. It is achievement, that I'm striving for. I've been and underachiever all my life. The people who know me well, know this well as well. To others, if this sounds like a pompous self-assessment, you are requested to stop reading, right now. Continuing, I'd say, I might really not have deserved more than what I have got, but certainly I have never achieved what I am capable of.  And this haunts me, it does. The burden of talent, lies on the one who fails to realize it. And I feel that burden. Not that it's a bad position to be in. This is the ripe age for me to lumber through my burdens, and run that home run hard. If there is one emotion in me, that has never really needed a rekindling, it's been this emotion. The emotion to realize my dreams, dreams that are not small by any standards, and I'm not telling you what my dreams are. Dreams like, secrets, are best kept secret. Call me self-obsessed, call me selfish, call me by whatever hideous ways you call people, fact remains fact. And the fact is, if you can't feel my burden, you can't feel my pain, and if you can't feel my pain, you can't even sympathize; and when you can't even sympathize, at the least, do not curse.

With the turmoils in my soul, I sure have lost out on friendships and relationships. I ask you not to feel resented, and not to desert me. What I ask of you is not an eschewing soul, but a forbearing soul. Show me a forbearing soul, and I will make sure, that I come running back to you, once I'm relieved of my burden. As a friend, I know you would understand, and be kind to me, the way you have been all these years. I know everyone has dreams to live for, and you should live for your dream too. But I am not asking too much, when I ask you if I could be a part of your dream too? I have hurt a lot of guys over the  last year, but I will make sure, I make up for all of my misdemeanors. I just hope that you would help me in realizing my dreams, and I would help you realizing your dreams. This way we would be good friends, the best of friends. Who says, a man can have only one best friend? No way. Time to prove the world wrong.

This post specifically goes out to all the people who know me inside out and who have missed knowing me of late. Friends, I have missed knowing you too. And there will be a time for us to catch up, on what we've missed. But now, it is time for us, to march ahead foot by foot, each helping the other, realize his dreams. You surely don't want to be on your deathbed with your dreams unfulfilled, right? Live happy and die happy. I know you have your dreams, deep inside you. In case you can't find them, you just need to look deeper, they'll be there. Believe me. Know your dreams, and write your destiny. 

As an epilogue I'd say that any form of eulogy and tirade likewise, is solicited in the form of comments. This post has come out after a long long writing hiatus, so any suggestions on my writing/composition are extremely welcome too. In all hopes that this post inspires you as much as it makes you ponder. I have extended my hand in friendship. Will you hold it?

The Concept Of God

Theists and Atheists, the ontologically sound and the hollow, the epistemologically inclined and the abstinent, lend me your ears, listen to what i have to say on this one. I don't want to hurt your opinions, i don't want to change your perceptions. All i want, is to present this discussion in new light, a sumptuous food for thought, if you'd like to put it after reading this one.

The theists and the Atheists have had sempiternal debates over this, and bet me, the debates have led to nothing concrete. In the end both people from both parties go back to where the were. Believers stay believers, non believers stay non-believers. Debates over such topics are a waste. It is because the believers present the the notion of God as nothing short of a reckless magic, wherein by virtue of being God, some supreme being is hailed the creator, perpetuator and the destroyer of this Universe. 

Being a believer is easy. The whole of the Universe with its infinite artistic beauty on the outside strutted with the rationalist mathematics and science on the inside makes human beings wonder whether there is a supreme power that has bestowed us with this enigmatic Life and all the surroundings. Failing to find answers of which, instills their faith in a power supreme. What adds to their belief are the mere coincidences which are given the name of mystical realism. In this world of mad believers and foolish pawns, God is the shortest escape from reality into a world of fairies and fairy tales.

Being a non-believer is easy too. When the die hard followers of science and logic step into the arena armed with their reasoning ability and argue that what cannot be seen or felt is non-existent, it puts the believers in a trap they can't get out of. But, when asked to comment on the magnitude of the construction of this Universe with its myriad manifestations in the form of diversity in all the living and the non living things, they tend to shy away and blame it all on chance events and randomness. It may be a good leeway, but then again it leads to nothing of much use and moreover helps in hiding the meaning of life and the purpose of creation in deeper darker and dangerous dungeons.

Who am i? Am i an Atheist?
No. 
Am i a believer? 
Read On.
What i have, is, faith in the concept of God. God for me, is not the creator or the destroyer of life in this Universe, but he is the manifestation of my faith, the faith that keeps me going. Having faith is the only thing that makes any person want to live this life, the purpose of which is otherwise indeterminate. To me, the whole point of life is figuring what life is all about. Now faith manifests itself in a huge number of ways. Some people have faith that they'll end up being filthy rich and enjoy all the pleasures of life, while others have faith that they'll live happy lives by sticking to only the bare necessities and no more. Some people have faith that they will help the needy in the society and change their lives and make the planet a better place for them to live while others have faith that they'll change the world as we see it through groundbreaking research in the domains of the Science and Mathematics. To me God is the piggy(Faith) bank where in i can put all my faith coins in, and pull them out when i need them, and i have no shame in admitting it. When i go about doing a task and i know at the back of my mind that something powerful is taking good care of me, chances are, i'd give it my best shot, almost always. If it turns out to be a success, i thank him, i implant more faith in my Faith bank, and drop in fresh coins. If it doesn't turn out to be a success, i thank him for the experiences gained. God is that piece of code, that keeps running in the kernel of my body, or the mind, that keeps me motivated in my endeavors, consoles me when the chips are down, pats me on the back when i do something good. In short God is the mentor that i always wanted. Its easy to blame him when things don't go my way, but then, mentors too, are allowed to make mistakes. Its important not to hand him the string of your life, but let him be the Krishna that guides the Arjun, the Arjun being you in this case. He does not have answers to all the questions, but he strengthens the gut instincts that lead to to wisdom. Talking to him is nothing more than just taking out time for yourself and we all have realized how important that is. 

God to me is as living as anything in this world, only that he is omnipotent because he resides in my mind and i can talk to him whenever and wherever i feel like. He is not the person that is running this Universe, which we are a part of, but He is as much a part of this as any living being. And with all the grandeur and the might we are witness to, at all times and at all places, i have reason to believe that there is more to my Faith bank than just a store house of my Faith coins. And that is about it, i have said a lot, but a lot more is hidden between the lines of this text and still a lot more can be said, but i'll not spill out everything for you. 

I have just presented one manifestation of God as my Faith bank, the way you would like it to be is your call. Call him power supreme, call him the creator, call him God, call him luck, call him by any name; for me he makes life, a hell lot simpler. Thanks for your time, Ciao! :)

Sachin, aap bhagwaan hain!

So, have you been wondering what has kept me so quiet on the cloud for so long? Yes? Read on. No? Read on. It has been quite a ride, the last three-four months. Sometime back i decided to quit blogging altogether. Why? Because the whole concept of sharing my philosophy on life seemed a futile exercise to me. I thought why and how would it make a difference to any one? I mean people would most often read a post, swallow the words and move on, because sadly their is no enzyme that would help digest the swallowed up words. The words have to be chewed and crushed into thoughts which are directly absorbed by the heart and the mind. Every post would drop on a person's life like the monsoon rain, that would bring ephemeral delight, but not eternal bliss. Only later I realized that its not only the banal rainfall every time it rains, some times there are thunderstorms too, that leave extended impressions. Impressions you forget only with time, because better and more dominating impressions take their place. This is what brings me back.

I've been lucky enough to have laid my hands on some of the great books that have come out of some of the greatest thinkers of the past and the present. The books have shaped and reshaped the way i think and the way i see the things that are in and around me. Every great book presents me with a new set of glasses that help me see the world in tints unknown to me at that time. New dimensions keep getting added to my thought process with every reading and thanks to these great books I, today, stand where I am.

What if the authors of these gems too refrained from writing, ascribing their repulsion to the same logic that kept me away from writing as well? Surely I would have missed out on knowledge and pleasure that to some extent, my text books have failed to provide. That is why I would love to continue writing, in hopes that someday (if not already) someone will get influenced by my thoughts, make them his own by embellishing them the way he likes, and start his journey with a new set of glasses, replacing the old and broken ones. I don't need any accolades for the way i key-down my thoughts, that is not my aim. My goal is to make this world a better place to live in, and to me that comes by helping people repaint their outlook on life. I really don't claim to be the happiest person alive and I am by no means the authority on life and the way it should be lived. I haven't and can't ever put to end my learning process. That is bound to last as long as i live. But as and when i feel like sharing something insightful, i'd never shy away from doing so. Maybe you'll remember me on your deathbed as a person who if not substantially, then, marginally helped in making your life a little more meaningful. 

So what do i suggest? Stop. Read. Think. Repeat.

Thanks for your time. Ciao!  

Thank You, Sapna Maun.

The concept behind the meaning of Rationality has eluded me since the time i started thinking about it. To put it in the simple words for the lesser mortals i'd say that the meaning of Rationality as stated in the dictionary doesn't make sense to me at all.

For starters let me just pull out the definition of the word from an online dictionary:

rationality [ˌræʃəˈnælɪtɪ]

n pl -ties

1. the state or quality of being rational or logical

2. the possession or utilization of reason or logic

3. a reasonable or logical opinion

Here you go. Read it? Just read that one more time. Done that? Do it again. Re-re-read? Did you notice a peculiar thing? Or maybe it is just me, that is precisely why i am writing this post; but the meaning doesn't grow upon you with every re-read that you give it, and on the contrary it seems to die down. The definition is contorted. What really is ridiculous and fake about this definition is that the words used to define the term Rationality aren't any easier to be defined themselves. The above reference is to the words 'quality', 'reason' and 'logic'. Now, you could stop and think over it, or just carry on reading because human beings tend to seek the easy way out, Always.

The problem i guess is that rationality is a subjective term. I mean something may seem logical to one person, while it may seem illogical to the other. Mind you, i'll be using the term rationality and logic interchangeably. Say for example there are four people, who stay together and have just had a very heavy dinner at a restaurant 5 km. from their home. For going back they could either take an auto who would charge Rs 10 per person, or they could walk back which is always an option if you don't have time and stamina as constraints. For some reason three people feel like walking back home, because it will help digesting food. They 4th guy argues; well, you could walk a km if you like but 5kms is like wtf?! But then everyone also earns decent money and the three of them enter a sort of argument with the other guy justifying how walking will help them digest food and save money too. The 4th guy then gives up on the argument and prefers to take the auto which charges him 40 rupees. He reaches home half an hour before every one does, but feels sad about how he couldn't convince the others to take the auto along with him which could have saved him 30 rupees. Strange, the ways of the world, he feels. Basically he realized it turned out to be some ego issue with a 3 on 1 situation and survival of the 'fittest' too. Is the 4th guy doomed for life if he doesn't change his ways? Is he not respecting evolution?

Well, if you ask me to analyse the above story, no body was irrational. Everyone just did what made sense to him. I mean the 4th guy could say the other guys were fools, wanting to save 10 rupees and walking 5Kms for that, but something will stop him. That is he can't just say what made sense to him is the best possible thing. It may be for him, but not for others. This is the heart of the discussion. You can never claim that at any given moment your actions were rational and what others did was irrational, for the very simple reason stated above. People have different levels of intelligence, things that make sense to one person are different than things that make sense to other people. While there may be many people who will buy your argument but you just cannot convince the whole world into believing in your definition of rationality. Take for example this blog post, it will make sense to many and not so much sense to others. Its all about feelings and perceptions and these, vary from people to people. Then, why, may i ask, is there a need to define rationality when no one is qualified enough to grasp its meaning.

But and this is a big BUT, there will always be some enlightened men, who gauge both sides of an argument and scrutinize the very process of defining rationality and then move on without defining rationality as a word but taking it as believing in something that makes sense, for the benefit of the whole society, always weighing in situations thoroughly before jumping to conclusions, understanding the very subtle argument that people with increasing amounts of intuitive powers and the intelligence to distinguish between intuition and prejudice, will have increasing amounts of clarity of the meaning of rationality and logic. With this heavy realization i have nothing more to say but that, I take pride in the fact, that I am one such man.

I am not one among you, don't count me as your normal friend. I am very different from what you are, i am neither a superior nor an inferior, i belong to a different dimension, a different universe altogether. Thanks for your time. Ciao.

Akash Srivastava, Amit Gupta, Karan Grover, Sunanda Khosla

In mathematics and physics, the dimension of a space or object is informally defined as the minimum number of coordinates needed to specify each point within it.

The Definition is so repulsive that it sucks. Dimension to me is something that everyone perceives in the same manner, be it formal or informal. There is no definition a layman ascribes to dimensions. It is just a notion of walls, boundaries and edges. We see the length, breadth and height and these are the three dimensions for us, which are a result of associating space with coordinates. But then the dimensions were introduced to us as a part of making us educated men, though how the notion of knowing dimensions help in making a man educated still makes me scratch my head. A mason knows that he has to arrange bricks on a floor, unknowingly formalizing the notion of length and breadth, plus he has to stack them one on top of the other to give it a space objects can occupy; thus formalizing what height means as a dimension.

Now Sir Albert Einstein felt something missing in his life. He thought that with life, we grow older and die, so time also is another thing that every human perceives in equality and in equanimity. Thus it helped him conclude that Time just has to be dimension, supported by the argument that in this universe every event can only be described in completion when you specify the coordinates of the place where it happened and also tell when it happened. One example i can state here is if i were to describe the death of my Grandfather, in its completion, i must say when he died along with the coordinates of space where he took his last breath. So far so great. Mathematically formalized, makes physics great, gave the world a new notion of what relativity means.

The only question i have against it is that does everyone has the same notion of what time is? Does everyone perceive of time in the same manner? If you and i think of length, breadth and height as the same, does it mean that we rationalize time in similar ways too? I'm sorry i don't think so. Okay, in support of my argument i'd like to introduce you to two people, Vybap and Gipmu. Now Vybap just went to a trek in the hills, a trek deep into the higher ranges of the Himalayas.He went there for a week with a few mates of his. Every single day brought him a new challenge, he had to overcome his worst fears, saw the untouched beauty of nature which filled him with awe and reverence, in conclusion, he had the time of his life. The week for him passed so quickly that he never even felt time sliding by. He relives the time he spent through his memories amazed by how fast time really flies.

Gipmu on the other hand had the worst week of his life. He proposed to the girl he loved from the deepest trenches of the ocean of love that he carries in is heart, but the girl refused. He could never understand how the girl could never decipher his feelings and all he got was a cold No, a no that he won't soon forget. During this week he talked to his closest friends who tried to console him but then deep down he got hurt. He couldn't concentrate at all, didn't sleep well and some part of him died that week. Later he said "this was The worst week ever, did someone freeze time for me? Because I think its been ages since i proposed and got a No."

Well. Be honest and tell me if you realized that these people had a different notion of how the 604 800 seconds went by. Vybap almost couldn't realize how time flew and Gipmu could feel every second taking its toll on him and the notion of time grow heavy with every passing second. Time for me is not what everyone perceives in the same manner. For happy people there is no feeling of time passing by, for people who are sad every passing minute makes them realize the sluggishness of time.

Is it then justified to call time a dimension at all, just because it makes Physics interesting and helps the humans delve deeper into discovering what laws govern this Universe and what is life after all? Hasn't it yet dawned on you how fast the three years of your engineering have flown by and this fucking semester never seems to end? What the Fuck is Time?

This is an Eye Catching Title

I keep waiting for these phases in life when i feel both down and out. The whole world then just shrinks down and i start thinking a lot. A lot more than i usually do. But then i don't think about the things i normally think about. I think about death, and how fascinating death really is. I mean its THE only thing that removes all the pain and all the suffering from human life just like that. Human death brings pain to the near and dear ones but then suffering is a part of life, and really its a vicious circle and no one can escape it. For all i care about, i'm just eagerly awaiting the day it will all end for me.

Enough talking about death, its time to talk about life. Life in all its glory is meaningless. People who could never find any meaning in life tried to give it some meaning, while others wasted their time on this earth cribbing about how there is no purpose they can attach to their lives. Some people think they are leading a life different from others. Take for example how one fine day you could say that Bear Grylls leads a life very different from the life your dad lives. Is it just because he is famous man who comes on television and inspires a million others. A person who looks happy all the times, and says that he's just happy with what he does. Do you think you'll watch his show if started crying on television about how he too feels that life is just a shit hole and nothing? At various times in life, people try to associate meaning with life just because they all know it deep down that there is nothing they can do about it. That we are all just chained up and the best we can do is to stop thinking about how bleak things are and just wear a happy mask that other people notice and thereby distract us from slipping to where we know we will never return from.

People do The Art Of Living course, they join the Landmark Forum because they somehow, amazingly alleviate their suffering. For what i know its just like repainting the your home. For many years the paint will stick to the walls, but then it'll slowly age and fall off. You can't stop the rains and the harsh sunlight and the strong winds from thrashing away the glory of your walls. All you can do is just repaint, and repaint and repaint until the day your home eventually collapses.

I don't want to wear any paint of any sort and any color. I understand that this pain and suffering is all we are ordained to have and happiness is just a part and parcel of life. I don't want to challenge the norms and commit suicide, i don't want to end my life so soon. I just want to live and see how much more my beliefs strengthen, and by beliefs i mean the beliefs in my philosophy and then i want to live to see myself die. I want to talk to a man whose about to die, for no Gautam Buddha, no sage, no Sri Sri Ravi Shankar holds more wisdom than a man who knows that he's about to die. The end of it all, the end of suffering, the end of happiness, the end of attachment ! Freed from the chains of misery, no life to look forward to, no life to look back at, just slipping in the vacuum of time, all by yourself, slowly and surely slipping from the memories of the near and dear ones, as the notion of your life fades away, and it all becomes clear that it never was the way you thought it was, and how your life was as inconsequential as you always feared it to be :)

Bubble and Chubble Talk _the_ Talk

Arjit: i want to be the boy in ur dreams

me: i dont drea of boys

Arjit: no boy ever appeared in ur dreams ??

impossible

me: sorry man but u just rammed into a truck load of bad luck

Arjit: thats wud be u => the truck load of bad luck

how was ur presentation

i didnt respond yesterday

me: presentation nvr happnd

he saw the product

Arjit: cuz i saw it later

me: and i dont giv a fcuk if he liked it or hated it

tho they said it was appreciated i dont believe it

Arjit: why not?

me: coz i wasnt there so basically ..!..

idc because idk

Arjit: i usually don't get ur short forms

this is one of those times

me: i dont care because i dont know

idc coz idk

Arjit: hmmm...thats strange..for something u worked so hard for and lost ur night's sleep !!

that's worth one min of VP's attention

me: yeah thats why i jus decided im not joining this firm

if u cant giv recognition u cant expect me to work

thats it

i mean i want to be the arjun who will eventually succeed

but there is no krishna who would vouch for that

Arjit: there is no krishna in ne other company either.. that'll just mean u won't join ne company

no guarantee of getting recognition newhere..

just gotta keep trying

and trusting ur luck

me: hmm atleast somme other guys will pay me more

Arjit: hehehe

now thats an argument

me: i m not willing to work for 6 lks

Arjit: thats valid

me: and do work that i dont even like

i'd better sit at home

u know i'd like to say this

i always pretend to be a normal guy, but in the end i nvr end up being the normal guy

hehehh and thats not blowing my own trumpet coz i aint proud of that

its just that it recurs time after time

Arjit: we're all wannabee normal ..no point trying..we're too far from it

i wish someone caught swine flu in symantec

we'll get a vacation

ppl r generally taking leaves in other companies

me: well i get a 9 da off

i dont like my work that much

i spend my time doing other stuff

heheheh

but it was a challenge and i fucked it

well see i'd giv the impression that im working hard

and im interested in the firm

Arjit: no u nailed it...wrong word

me: but thats not true

its the way u go about a challenge

Arjit: atleast tu mann maar kar kaam kar sakta hai

me: its all about the killer instinct man which we all have been lacking

u think that way ?

Arjit: ur work in PS is testimony for that

me: well its a challenge at ur personal level

i mean if somebody dies in ur family

u have to learn to live wihtout them

u cant bring'em back right

Arjit: ya...

me: so its like zeher peete chalo

hoping ull strike upon amrit some day

Arjit: so was it a necessity ?? or u took it as a challenge..wat was the driving force

me: driving force was the killer instinct spirit which i need to rekindle

Sent at 3:50 PM on Wednesday

me: i mean u gotta learn something out of it

and guess thats the best teaching i take out of the whole situation

Arjit: u rem...abt one yr bak we used to talk of the same things..and u said i'll never do something i don't like doing...thats the way i am

while i said somethings are necesaary..can't do without em

me: yesss :)

Arjit: things sure have changed

me: i so remember that

but then dont u think i took it in a better spirit now

i mean if i am free ill do waht i want

Arjit: yess..im glad

me: but then if i cant help it

why challenge the system if u know ull fail

it'll only bring more pain

why not take it as a challenge to come out

with the confidence that u can do anything

and add that in ur stride

when ur pursuing what u've always wanted

Arjit: that's wat is driving u...i got it...u know ur pursuing wat u've always wanted

god i so wish that was me saying

me: u jus gave me goosbumps

i mean we caan jus egg each other on so well

dont u think ur doing what u've always wanted

?

Arjit: not rite now...in the company

me: i mean now that u are doing cat preps

Arjit: ya thats all fine

me: where is the problem then ?

Arjit: i wish i cud get rid of this PS..which btw consumes 75% of my time and energy

me: am i not in the same position

and u my friend are no less in any form than i am

Arjit: but thats part of the process for u...for me it's like completely out of the way

Sent at 3:59 PM on Wednesday

me: it is not even that contrasting , i mean i havent ben telling u what i do these days

but i'd not like to now

also

Arjit: hmmm..thats rite

me: but believe me the picture isnt that rosy at all

i jus wanna see u fuck some shit real hard man

u have all it takes

just the patience is all u need

and i mean the day u start working on it

you'll only keep building it

its like the dirt, if u leave the room as it is and dont disturb it, itll keep accumulating on its own

:)

Arjit: hehe...thnx man..

means a lot to me

i solved my first mock cat today

nailed it !!

me: nice!

but at office

hehehe

Arjit: no...at office alrite..but in the morning..5-8

me: :O

Arjit: i often spend the nite at office

same for dalal

me: nite at office

?

whoa man

Arjit: ya..there r bunk beds here

me: yeah yeah even here but thats good man

:)

Arjit: lot of peace for studying...plus the house is a big mes

me: awesome infact

hehe

well u deserve an applause

clap

Arjit: loda clap...for sleeping in the office...wat a loser i am !!

the janitors luk at me in amazement :D

hahaha

me: no for taking out time for ur dreams

Arjit: hehe

ppl know i stay all the time...they just don't have the right to sy nething

it's weird

*say

me: heheh :D

u shudnt care about that, and i know that u dont

Arjit: exactly

me: chalo man its tym to do what i like to do :)

heheeh

will catchya later

Arjit: sure

me: this chat is my blogpost

Arjit: 1111

tata

me: ciao

ohh n btw its my time to eat

ha ha :D

Arjit: stuff all u want

Sent at 4:10 PM on Wednesday

Tête-à-Tête

In times like these, its hard to take some time out for yourself. You find yourself in a new city, miles away from college, just swarming with people you don't know, faces you don't recognize, expressions you can't understand, emotions you can't comprehend, talents you can't judge, smiles you can't respond to, security you can't breach, authority you can't challenge, tension that gives you sleepless hours in the bed, aspirations that fly high in the sky, appreciation lurking in the altars, fame that begs to be grabbed, names that ought to be taken and hopes you hope will come true.

Its hard to picture yourself against the alien surroundings, and it forces you to go back to your

shell, your comfort zone, back to the place where you belong, where you already have an identity, the same cube of which you have been a part for so long, where the huge walls don't scare you, and in fact where the walls shield you and keep you warm. The challenge of carving a new niche for yourself seems a daunting task, but its a challenge you just have to accept because first, life doesn't give you the time to look back in time, and secondly life only makes sense

when you look backwards, so at every moment moving forward is the only sensible choice.

Today I choose to write about myself. In a sense it gives me the impression that i am really

devoting myself the time i deserve and not the time that i need; trying to understand myself

by delving deeper into what I say and how I react to various situations and the way my

thought process works. It also gives me a chance to present myself to the world minus all the

sham and the embellishment. But then its only me who vouches for the fact that the information

here hasn't been garnished in a way that makes it more presentable and there is no one to verify

my claims here, but that it is the way I feel about myself and i wish that somehow you would

understand.

From being the guy who is totally into metal to being a guy who's favourite song happens to be

'Coming Back To Life'; from being the guy who screwed up acads in his college life to being the

guy who feels like repeating every damn course they taught in college just to show that he still

has the desire to learn; from being a guy who does almost anything to make people laugh and

goes on to crack jokes on himself to being the guy who weeps in his heart of hearts at times and

finds it almost impossible to get through what he actuallly feels like; from being the guy who

wants to help his friends get out of their shit to being the guy who actually ends up doing nothing

to alleviate their pain; from being the guy who almost does things without taking any self into

account most of the times to being a guy who ends up being called selfish most of the times; from being a guy who still likes to solves those math puzzles, collect those coins, still pursuing those chilhood hobbies to being the guy who still likes to look into the night sky, not observing anything but just gazing at those stars hoping to go into space some day; from being the guy who dreamt of becoming a really big shot astrophysict to being the guy who now just wants to spend an unobtrusive life; from being a guy who likes to talk less to being the guy who ends up saying more; from being a guy who thinks that every human being is equal to being the guy who regards

himself above all others when it comes to applying common sense; from being a guy who likes

to keep a low profile to being the guy who ends up getting all the undeserved attention; from

being the guy who just loves to speak his mind to being the guy who always ends up dishonouring lost of the people; from being the guy who does thing the best when he does it the first time to being the guy who gets bored of anyhting and everything; from being a guy who never shows that he cares to being the guy who loves some people from the core of his heart; from being a guy who wants to change himslef to being the guy who thinks that he is best the way he is; from being a guy who loves life to being a guy who finds life pointless and from being the guy who always starts a blogpost with a certain intention to being a guy who ends up saying nothing at all.

I keep discovering and rediscovering myself. Life is short, and I learn from the river. The river

never stops for anyone, and so won't I.

Thanks for the time, ciao.

Gosh, Why Do I Leave The Title For The End

No Dude! Please Dude!

Listen Me Out, Wont you?

Wont you be my virtual friend. Wont you want to know whats happened to me?

Wont you want to know why i am not online these days and why i am just so indifferent.

Okay, to cut things short, i'm just not doing good. Its not about work and intern and new city and the weather. Its just the first time i have felt a nostalgia so overpowering that every time i listen to "Coming Back To Life", not only does every plucked string send a shiver down my spine, but it also eventually lands me up in tears. By the way you have to hide your face every time you cry in office. But then its not that it is unmanageable or something.

You know my eyes are so heavy now, just after a fresh dose of the same song i mentioned above, i can barely write but i have to because i need to. Its been that kind of a week. I guess it all started after i decided to just read through the very old scraps on orkut. Its just that refreshing smell of the friendship i got which has changed into that stale air in a matter of 3 years. I used to talk to so many friends at that time which i do no more and i just don't know how to put it words i feel when i go through those scraps. Its like how hugely we all have changed in just 3 years. Turned into more stupid, less intelligent, ironically more responsible and mature human beings. All this time i kept bragging how i have never changed and how i never want to change but as a matter of fact, i have and it hurts when i introspect, but time does that to everyone, this i have realized and accepted. I have never felt so lonely in life. In BITS whenever i used to feel this way i had some one or the other in whom i confided in, but there is no-one here. I am just a wanderer on my own, talking on the phone doesn't help and neither do Gtalk chats. I just so want to vent out my feelings but they keep piling up. I miss the times in college. Just miss the first year ki masti, just miss the DudePana of the second year, miss the Rape of the 3rd year. Miss school, miss home, miss behen, miss Zappi, miss everyone. I just wish at least one of my really good friends was here right now. But time is the best healer, its the best doctor and the best surgeon. I hope it will do its job well. And Now that i'm already crying, i wont stop myself this time too, so guys bye. And i so miss all the good and the bad times.

Take Care.

Life's Little Ironies

I don't know. What i do know is, that it is not one of the best ways one can start a new blog post or any piece of writing for that matter. But Yeah, I don't know and yet, I do care. I care for the things that happen around me and as a consequence I care for the people who are responsible for things that happen around me. I am neither an egoist nor an egotist. I'm not superior to anyone of you. I might be more intelligent but then it hardly matters if i score a 130 on a IQ test on which my fellows score a 120. Seriously, IQ tests mean shit. I'm also not more emotionally sound than anyone of you. Different things appeal to different people and they react differently. Simply, it is just that. There is only I thing i have found in which I find myself above most of the people I've ever met. It is common sense. Well you might argue then, that if i say that different things appeal to different people which in turn implies that they react differently implies that their judgement varies. Well, no doubt it is correct, but a correct judgement is something which one can defend if the need be. If somebody fails to defend that, then it should be pronounced as false judgement. Correct?

Okay so this is precisely what has been happening. It has happened on numerous occasions, people around me have time and again failed to justify their actions to me. The way people react to crunch situations; situations that demand not only their intellectual judgement but their emotional judgement, more often than not puts me in shock. Well the 'Guru's' teach us to accept people as they are, so that's what i am doing Sir, but only with a slight modification. In my mind that person lacks common sense, i accept that person as he is, lacking this sense of judgement. I can't and therefore i won't try to make him understand my feelings. Let him be the way he is, if he can't understand me, there is no point wasting my time on him. Sir, in some cases 'Ignorance IS bliss' and this is just one place the saying fits in beautifully.

In fact to some extent my opinions don't even matter to you. Right? Well neither do yours. I just live by my philosophies, i keep building and rebuilding them over time. I keep walking on this 'Circle of Progress' just like everyone else. Every time i walk myself out of a tricky situation, a more graver one reappears. I improve, update and upgrade myself every time but life's like that, it keeps you poking in the ass time and again. This way i justify the 'Circle of Progress'. I'm sure my philosophy doesn't appeal to everyone and thankfully it does not coz i don't want to end up living my life as a preacher. Look for whatever works for you and as long as you can defend it, you are in for an awesome life.

Remarkably it appears that i have left quite a few loopholes in whatever i have said above. Its pretty evident the only person to whom you must be defending your philosophies is yourself only. But then you can't go on living a life that surrounds only you. No, that is selfish. There will always be people around who really matter to you and to whom you matter. It is in front of those people that you should be able to defend yourself if the need be. Failing in which, with all the respect, in my opinion, that person just lacks judgment, simply lacks COMMON SENSE.

Thanks for your time, and patience. Ta Ta.

Siddharta

A working sudoku solver finally and i'm free. Free to write and free to express. Its been a really long time since i posted anything new but here it goes. So recently i read this book 'Siddhartha' by Sir Hermann Hesse. 

This guy won the nobel prize for literature in 1946 primarily for his work 'The Glass Bead Game'.Couldn't get my hands on that book yet but after reading Siddhartha i got a faint idea of why he must have got that prize. Now i'm not going to narrate the plot of the book but what i will do is i'll just put down some dialogues from the book which i thought were both insightful and beautiful.But before that i'll let you hover your mind over these lines by paulo coelho from his book 'Like the flowing river' (another book worth reading atleast once) 

Be like the flowing river,
Silent in the night.
Be not afriad of the dark.
If there are stars in the sky, reflect them back.
If there are clouds in the sky,
Remember, clouds, like the river, are water,
So, gladly reflect them too,
In you own tranquil depths.

And here you go. Some dialogues listed below. Read them kindly, adore them, admire them, praise them and most importantly enjoy them :

• Siddharth Gotama to the Hero : " You've heard the teachings O son of a bitch ( sorry thats Brahmin ), and its good that you have thought about them deeply. You've found a gap in it,a mistake. You should think about this further. Let me warn you however,oh seeker of knowledge,of the thikcket of opinions and of arguing about words. Opinions are insubstantial: they may be beautiful or ugly, smart or foolish; everyone can support them or discard them. But the teachings you've heard from me are not my opinions, anfd their goal is not to explain the world to those who seek knowledge. They have a different goal; their goal is salvation from suffering. This is that what Gotama teaches, and nothing else."                                                                                                                                        
• Hero to Siddhartha Gotama: "I have not doubted in you for a single moment. You have found salvation from death. It has come to you in the course of your own search, on your own path, through thoughts, through meditation, through realization, through enlightenment. It has not come to you by means of teachings! And so are my thoughts, oh exalted one-nobody will partake in salvation teachings! You will not be able to convey and share with anyone, oh venerable one, in words and through teachings what has happened to you in the hour of enlightenment! There is one thing that the teachings of the do not contain: they do not contain the mystery of what the exalted one among hundreds of thousands has experienced for himself. This is what i have thought and realizes. This is why i am continung my travels- not to seek other, better teachings, for i know there aren't any, but to depart from all teachings and all teachers and either to reach my goal on my own or to die. But i'll often think of this day, oh exalted one, and of this hour, when my eyes beheld a saint."                                                                                        
• "Daily, at the very hour appointed by her, he visited beautiful Kamala, wearing pretty clothes, fine shoes, and soon he brought her gifts as well. Much he learned from her red, shrewd mouth. Much he learned from her tender, supple hand. He was, regarding love, still a boy and had a tendency to plunge blindly and insatiably into lust like into a bottomless pit; she taught him, starting with the basics, about that school of thought which teaches that pleasure cannot be be taken without giving pleasure, and that every gesture, every caress, every touch, every look, every area of the body, however small it was, had its secret, which would bring happiness to those who know about it and unleash it. She taught him, that lovers must not part from one another after celebrating love, without admiring one other, without being just as defeated as they are victorious, so that neither one started feeling fed up or bored and get that wicked feeling of having abused or having been abused. He spent wonderful hours with the beautiful and intelligent artist, became her student, her lover, her friend."                                                          
• Ferryman to Hero: "It is this what you mean, isn't it: that the river is everywhere at once, at the source and at the mouth, at the waterfall, at the ferry, at the rapids, in the sea, in the mountains, everywhere at once, and that there is only the present time for it, not the shadow of the past, nor the shadow of the future?"                                                       
• Hero to Ferryman : "And when I learned it, I looked at my life, and found that it was also a river, and that the boy Siddhartha was only separated from the man Siddhartha and the old man Siddhartha by only a shadow, and not by something real.  Siddhartha's previous births were also no past, and his death and subsequent return to Brahmin was no future. Nothing was, nothing will be; everything is, and everything is present and has existence.                                                                                                                                               
• "When someone is searching" said the Hero, "then it can easily happen that the only thing his eyes see is that for which he is searching. He is then unable to find anyhting or let any thought enter his mind because he always thinks of nothing but the object of his search. He is obsessed ny a gial; searching means having a goal. But finding means: being free, open, and having no goal. You oh venerable one, are perhaps indeed a seeker, because in striving for your goal, there are many things that you don't see, even though they are right in front of you."                                                                                                                           
• "Wisdom cannot be passed on. Wisdom that a wise man attempts to pass on to someone always sounds like foolishness. Knowledge can be transferred, but not wisdom. It can be found and lived, and it is possible to be carried by it. Miracles can be performed with it, but it can't be expressed in thoughts with words. This is what has driven me away from teachers. Another thought is that the opposite of every truth is just as true! That is to say, any truth can only be expressed and put into words when it is one sided. Everything that can be thought with the mind and said with words is one sided, its all just the half of it, lacking completeness, roundness or unity."                                                                               
• " Great thinkers may try to thoroughly understand the world, explain it, and despise it. But i'm only interested in being able to love the world, not despise it. I don't want to hate it and have it hate me; i want to be able to look upon it and myself and upon all beings with love, admiration and great respect."                

 These are only few of lines i found truly amazing. I know it may appear out of context to you guys but as long as you are able to get the gist of it doesn't really matter. Read the book completely and the meanings grow only more profound, only more subtle only more enjoyable and only more awe inspiring.

 Hats off to the great artist and his amazing work. I'll keep putting up new posts regularly. Thanks for your time tata :)