What I learned in the last two years.

My first job has been a great learning experience. The work was pretty banal but I learned a lot of life lessons in the last two years. These are best summed up in the adieu letter that I wrote to all my colleagues. Here goes~

Hello Friends,

All good things come to an end and rightfully so. When the fruit is ripe, it falls of the tree and similarly I'm metaphorically falling off the tree that fed me for two years. The time has come for me to move on gracefully and tomorrow is my last day at Avaya.

My journey has been sinusoidal and now I wish to share my learning with you. Nobody would like to read a morally instructive email coming from somebody smaller their age, but this is my adieu email and everyone reads adieu emails, or I would like to assume so. Here are my two cents.

 I have learned that every person has at least one special quality. We must desire to learn from everyone.

• People often judge other people too soon and not surprisingly these judgments are hollow and a result of biases and prejudices. We must always give a person enough time before judging him.
• There isn't any harm in running after something that makes you happy and does not leave you exhausted. If running after money makes you happy, keep running. Some people run after knowledge and happily so.
• One cannot judge a fish on its ability to climb up a tree. Everyone in their heart knows what they are best at. Trust your intuition and fight for your right!
• As we grow older, we tend to bottle up emotions and not express ourselves. Don't let this happen to you! What would happen if you cover a light bulb with an opaque black box? There wouldn't be any light. Enlighten the world with your ideas.
• I learned that maturity doesn't necessarily come with age. Neither does it come with quality education. It comes from introspection.
• One shouldn't spend too much time and money on material things. We must take out time for ourselves. Spend some time closer to nature with family and friends. Money might bring you an AC car, but you feel so much better in the cool monsoon breeze.
• One man may not change the system, but one man may inspire many others who can collectively change the system!

This is best I could do, summarizing my learning of the last two years. My interactions with you have been enjoyable and rewarding. I don't promise to stay in touch, but I'll do my best. Take care and have a great life. You aren't here for eternity, make every second count :)

The Concept Of God

Theists and Atheists, the ontologically sound and the hollow, the epistemologically inclined and the abstinent, lend me your ears, listen to what i have to say on this one. I don't want to hurt your opinions, i don't want to change your perceptions. All i want, is to present this discussion in new light, a sumptuous food for thought, if you'd like to put it after reading this one.

The theists and the Atheists have had sempiternal debates over this, and bet me, the debates have led to nothing concrete. In the end both people from both parties go back to where the were. Believers stay believers, non believers stay non-believers. Debates over such topics are a waste. It is because the believers present the the notion of God as nothing short of a reckless magic, wherein by virtue of being God, some supreme being is hailed the creator, perpetuator and the destroyer of this Universe. 

Being a believer is easy. The whole of the Universe with its infinite artistic beauty on the outside strutted with the rationalist mathematics and science on the inside makes human beings wonder whether there is a supreme power that has bestowed us with this enigmatic Life and all the surroundings. Failing to find answers of which, instills their faith in a power supreme. What adds to their belief are the mere coincidences which are given the name of mystical realism. In this world of mad believers and foolish pawns, God is the shortest escape from reality into a world of fairies and fairy tales.

Being a non-believer is easy too. When the die hard followers of science and logic step into the arena armed with their reasoning ability and argue that what cannot be seen or felt is non-existent, it puts the believers in a trap they can't get out of. But, when asked to comment on the magnitude of the construction of this Universe with its myriad manifestations in the form of diversity in all the living and the non living things, they tend to shy away and blame it all on chance events and randomness. It may be a good leeway, but then again it leads to nothing of much use and moreover helps in hiding the meaning of life and the purpose of creation in deeper darker and dangerous dungeons.

Who am i? Am i an Atheist?
No. 
Am i a believer? 
Read On.
What i have, is, faith in the concept of God. God for me, is not the creator or the destroyer of life in this Universe, but he is the manifestation of my faith, the faith that keeps me going. Having faith is the only thing that makes any person want to live this life, the purpose of which is otherwise indeterminate. To me, the whole point of life is figuring what life is all about. Now faith manifests itself in a huge number of ways. Some people have faith that they'll end up being filthy rich and enjoy all the pleasures of life, while others have faith that they'll live happy lives by sticking to only the bare necessities and no more. Some people have faith that they will help the needy in the society and change their lives and make the planet a better place for them to live while others have faith that they'll change the world as we see it through groundbreaking research in the domains of the Science and Mathematics. To me God is the piggy(Faith) bank where in i can put all my faith coins in, and pull them out when i need them, and i have no shame in admitting it. When i go about doing a task and i know at the back of my mind that something powerful is taking good care of me, chances are, i'd give it my best shot, almost always. If it turns out to be a success, i thank him, i implant more faith in my Faith bank, and drop in fresh coins. If it doesn't turn out to be a success, i thank him for the experiences gained. God is that piece of code, that keeps running in the kernel of my body, or the mind, that keeps me motivated in my endeavors, consoles me when the chips are down, pats me on the back when i do something good. In short God is the mentor that i always wanted. Its easy to blame him when things don't go my way, but then, mentors too, are allowed to make mistakes. Its important not to hand him the string of your life, but let him be the Krishna that guides the Arjun, the Arjun being you in this case. He does not have answers to all the questions, but he strengthens the gut instincts that lead to to wisdom. Talking to him is nothing more than just taking out time for yourself and we all have realized how important that is. 

God to me is as living as anything in this world, only that he is omnipotent because he resides in my mind and i can talk to him whenever and wherever i feel like. He is not the person that is running this Universe, which we are a part of, but He is as much a part of this as any living being. And with all the grandeur and the might we are witness to, at all times and at all places, i have reason to believe that there is more to my Faith bank than just a store house of my Faith coins. And that is about it, i have said a lot, but a lot more is hidden between the lines of this text and still a lot more can be said, but i'll not spill out everything for you. 

I have just presented one manifestation of God as my Faith bank, the way you would like it to be is your call. Call him power supreme, call him the creator, call him God, call him luck, call him by any name; for me he makes life, a hell lot simpler. Thanks for your time, Ciao! :)

Sachin, aap bhagwaan hain!

So, have you been wondering what has kept me so quiet on the cloud for so long? Yes? Read on. No? Read on. It has been quite a ride, the last three-four months. Sometime back i decided to quit blogging altogether. Why? Because the whole concept of sharing my philosophy on life seemed a futile exercise to me. I thought why and how would it make a difference to any one? I mean people would most often read a post, swallow the words and move on, because sadly their is no enzyme that would help digest the swallowed up words. The words have to be chewed and crushed into thoughts which are directly absorbed by the heart and the mind. Every post would drop on a person's life like the monsoon rain, that would bring ephemeral delight, but not eternal bliss. Only later I realized that its not only the banal rainfall every time it rains, some times there are thunderstorms too, that leave extended impressions. Impressions you forget only with time, because better and more dominating impressions take their place. This is what brings me back.

I've been lucky enough to have laid my hands on some of the great books that have come out of some of the greatest thinkers of the past and the present. The books have shaped and reshaped the way i think and the way i see the things that are in and around me. Every great book presents me with a new set of glasses that help me see the world in tints unknown to me at that time. New dimensions keep getting added to my thought process with every reading and thanks to these great books I, today, stand where I am.

What if the authors of these gems too refrained from writing, ascribing their repulsion to the same logic that kept me away from writing as well? Surely I would have missed out on knowledge and pleasure that to some extent, my text books have failed to provide. That is why I would love to continue writing, in hopes that someday (if not already) someone will get influenced by my thoughts, make them his own by embellishing them the way he likes, and start his journey with a new set of glasses, replacing the old and broken ones. I don't need any accolades for the way i key-down my thoughts, that is not my aim. My goal is to make this world a better place to live in, and to me that comes by helping people repaint their outlook on life. I really don't claim to be the happiest person alive and I am by no means the authority on life and the way it should be lived. I haven't and can't ever put to end my learning process. That is bound to last as long as i live. But as and when i feel like sharing something insightful, i'd never shy away from doing so. Maybe you'll remember me on your deathbed as a person who if not substantially, then, marginally helped in making your life a little more meaningful. 

So what do i suggest? Stop. Read. Think. Repeat.

Thanks for your time. Ciao!  

Thank You, Sapna Maun.

The concept behind the meaning of Rationality has eluded me since the time i started thinking about it. To put it in the simple words for the lesser mortals i'd say that the meaning of Rationality as stated in the dictionary doesn't make sense to me at all.

For starters let me just pull out the definition of the word from an online dictionary:

rationality [ˌræʃəˈnælɪtɪ]

n pl -ties

1. the state or quality of being rational or logical

2. the possession or utilization of reason or logic

3. a reasonable or logical opinion

Here you go. Read it? Just read that one more time. Done that? Do it again. Re-re-read? Did you notice a peculiar thing? Or maybe it is just me, that is precisely why i am writing this post; but the meaning doesn't grow upon you with every re-read that you give it, and on the contrary it seems to die down. The definition is contorted. What really is ridiculous and fake about this definition is that the words used to define the term Rationality aren't any easier to be defined themselves. The above reference is to the words 'quality', 'reason' and 'logic'. Now, you could stop and think over it, or just carry on reading because human beings tend to seek the easy way out, Always.

The problem i guess is that rationality is a subjective term. I mean something may seem logical to one person, while it may seem illogical to the other. Mind you, i'll be using the term rationality and logic interchangeably. Say for example there are four people, who stay together and have just had a very heavy dinner at a restaurant 5 km. from their home. For going back they could either take an auto who would charge Rs 10 per person, or they could walk back which is always an option if you don't have time and stamina as constraints. For some reason three people feel like walking back home, because it will help digesting food. They 4th guy argues; well, you could walk a km if you like but 5kms is like wtf?! But then everyone also earns decent money and the three of them enter a sort of argument with the other guy justifying how walking will help them digest food and save money too. The 4th guy then gives up on the argument and prefers to take the auto which charges him 40 rupees. He reaches home half an hour before every one does, but feels sad about how he couldn't convince the others to take the auto along with him which could have saved him 30 rupees. Strange, the ways of the world, he feels. Basically he realized it turned out to be some ego issue with a 3 on 1 situation and survival of the 'fittest' too. Is the 4th guy doomed for life if he doesn't change his ways? Is he not respecting evolution?

Well, if you ask me to analyse the above story, no body was irrational. Everyone just did what made sense to him. I mean the 4th guy could say the other guys were fools, wanting to save 10 rupees and walking 5Kms for that, but something will stop him. That is he can't just say what made sense to him is the best possible thing. It may be for him, but not for others. This is the heart of the discussion. You can never claim that at any given moment your actions were rational and what others did was irrational, for the very simple reason stated above. People have different levels of intelligence, things that make sense to one person are different than things that make sense to other people. While there may be many people who will buy your argument but you just cannot convince the whole world into believing in your definition of rationality. Take for example this blog post, it will make sense to many and not so much sense to others. Its all about feelings and perceptions and these, vary from people to people. Then, why, may i ask, is there a need to define rationality when no one is qualified enough to grasp its meaning.

But and this is a big BUT, there will always be some enlightened men, who gauge both sides of an argument and scrutinize the very process of defining rationality and then move on without defining rationality as a word but taking it as believing in something that makes sense, for the benefit of the whole society, always weighing in situations thoroughly before jumping to conclusions, understanding the very subtle argument that people with increasing amounts of intuitive powers and the intelligence to distinguish between intuition and prejudice, will have increasing amounts of clarity of the meaning of rationality and logic. With this heavy realization i have nothing more to say but that, I take pride in the fact, that I am one such man.

I am not one among you, don't count me as your normal friend. I am very different from what you are, i am neither a superior nor an inferior, i belong to a different dimension, a different universe altogether. Thanks for your time. Ciao.

Akash Srivastava, Amit Gupta, Karan Grover, Sunanda Khosla

In mathematics and physics, the dimension of a space or object is informally defined as the minimum number of coordinates needed to specify each point within it.

The Definition is so repulsive that it sucks. Dimension to me is something that everyone perceives in the same manner, be it formal or informal. There is no definition a layman ascribes to dimensions. It is just a notion of walls, boundaries and edges. We see the length, breadth and height and these are the three dimensions for us, which are a result of associating space with coordinates. But then the dimensions were introduced to us as a part of making us educated men, though how the notion of knowing dimensions help in making a man educated still makes me scratch my head. A mason knows that he has to arrange bricks on a floor, unknowingly formalizing the notion of length and breadth, plus he has to stack them one on top of the other to give it a space objects can occupy; thus formalizing what height means as a dimension.

Now Sir Albert Einstein felt something missing in his life. He thought that with life, we grow older and die, so time also is another thing that every human perceives in equality and in equanimity. Thus it helped him conclude that Time just has to be dimension, supported by the argument that in this universe every event can only be described in completion when you specify the coordinates of the place where it happened and also tell when it happened. One example i can state here is if i were to describe the death of my Grandfather, in its completion, i must say when he died along with the coordinates of space where he took his last breath. So far so great. Mathematically formalized, makes physics great, gave the world a new notion of what relativity means.

The only question i have against it is that does everyone has the same notion of what time is? Does everyone perceive of time in the same manner? If you and i think of length, breadth and height as the same, does it mean that we rationalize time in similar ways too? I'm sorry i don't think so. Okay, in support of my argument i'd like to introduce you to two people, Vybap and Gipmu. Now Vybap just went to a trek in the hills, a trek deep into the higher ranges of the Himalayas.He went there for a week with a few mates of his. Every single day brought him a new challenge, he had to overcome his worst fears, saw the untouched beauty of nature which filled him with awe and reverence, in conclusion, he had the time of his life. The week for him passed so quickly that he never even felt time sliding by. He relives the time he spent through his memories amazed by how fast time really flies.

Gipmu on the other hand had the worst week of his life. He proposed to the girl he loved from the deepest trenches of the ocean of love that he carries in is heart, but the girl refused. He could never understand how the girl could never decipher his feelings and all he got was a cold No, a no that he won't soon forget. During this week he talked to his closest friends who tried to console him but then deep down he got hurt. He couldn't concentrate at all, didn't sleep well and some part of him died that week. Later he said "this was The worst week ever, did someone freeze time for me? Because I think its been ages since i proposed and got a No."

Well. Be honest and tell me if you realized that these people had a different notion of how the 604 800 seconds went by. Vybap almost couldn't realize how time flew and Gipmu could feel every second taking its toll on him and the notion of time grow heavy with every passing second. Time for me is not what everyone perceives in the same manner. For happy people there is no feeling of time passing by, for people who are sad every passing minute makes them realize the sluggishness of time.

Is it then justified to call time a dimension at all, just because it makes Physics interesting and helps the humans delve deeper into discovering what laws govern this Universe and what is life after all? Hasn't it yet dawned on you how fast the three years of your engineering have flown by and this fucking semester never seems to end? What the Fuck is Time?

Life's Little Ironies

I don't know. What i do know is, that it is not one of the best ways one can start a new blog post or any piece of writing for that matter. But Yeah, I don't know and yet, I do care. I care for the things that happen around me and as a consequence I care for the people who are responsible for things that happen around me. I am neither an egoist nor an egotist. I'm not superior to anyone of you. I might be more intelligent but then it hardly matters if i score a 130 on a IQ test on which my fellows score a 120. Seriously, IQ tests mean shit. I'm also not more emotionally sound than anyone of you. Different things appeal to different people and they react differently. Simply, it is just that. There is only I thing i have found in which I find myself above most of the people I've ever met. It is common sense. Well you might argue then, that if i say that different things appeal to different people which in turn implies that they react differently implies that their judgement varies. Well, no doubt it is correct, but a correct judgement is something which one can defend if the need be. If somebody fails to defend that, then it should be pronounced as false judgement. Correct?

Okay so this is precisely what has been happening. It has happened on numerous occasions, people around me have time and again failed to justify their actions to me. The way people react to crunch situations; situations that demand not only their intellectual judgement but their emotional judgement, more often than not puts me in shock. Well the 'Guru's' teach us to accept people as they are, so that's what i am doing Sir, but only with a slight modification. In my mind that person lacks common sense, i accept that person as he is, lacking this sense of judgement. I can't and therefore i won't try to make him understand my feelings. Let him be the way he is, if he can't understand me, there is no point wasting my time on him. Sir, in some cases 'Ignorance IS bliss' and this is just one place the saying fits in beautifully.

In fact to some extent my opinions don't even matter to you. Right? Well neither do yours. I just live by my philosophies, i keep building and rebuilding them over time. I keep walking on this 'Circle of Progress' just like everyone else. Every time i walk myself out of a tricky situation, a more graver one reappears. I improve, update and upgrade myself every time but life's like that, it keeps you poking in the ass time and again. This way i justify the 'Circle of Progress'. I'm sure my philosophy doesn't appeal to everyone and thankfully it does not coz i don't want to end up living my life as a preacher. Look for whatever works for you and as long as you can defend it, you are in for an awesome life.

Remarkably it appears that i have left quite a few loopholes in whatever i have said above. Its pretty evident the only person to whom you must be defending your philosophies is yourself only. But then you can't go on living a life that surrounds only you. No, that is selfish. There will always be people around who really matter to you and to whom you matter. It is in front of those people that you should be able to defend yourself if the need be. Failing in which, with all the respect, in my opinion, that person just lacks judgment, simply lacks COMMON SENSE.

Thanks for your time, and patience. Ta Ta.

Siddharta

A working sudoku solver finally and i'm free. Free to write and free to express. Its been a really long time since i posted anything new but here it goes. So recently i read this book 'Siddhartha' by Sir Hermann Hesse. 

This guy won the nobel prize for literature in 1946 primarily for his work 'The Glass Bead Game'.Couldn't get my hands on that book yet but after reading Siddhartha i got a faint idea of why he must have got that prize. Now i'm not going to narrate the plot of the book but what i will do is i'll just put down some dialogues from the book which i thought were both insightful and beautiful.But before that i'll let you hover your mind over these lines by paulo coelho from his book 'Like the flowing river' (another book worth reading atleast once) 

Be like the flowing river,
Silent in the night.
Be not afriad of the dark.
If there are stars in the sky, reflect them back.
If there are clouds in the sky,
Remember, clouds, like the river, are water,
So, gladly reflect them too,
In you own tranquil depths.

And here you go. Some dialogues listed below. Read them kindly, adore them, admire them, praise them and most importantly enjoy them :

• Siddharth Gotama to the Hero : " You've heard the teachings O son of a bitch ( sorry thats Brahmin ), and its good that you have thought about them deeply. You've found a gap in it,a mistake. You should think about this further. Let me warn you however,oh seeker of knowledge,of the thikcket of opinions and of arguing about words. Opinions are insubstantial: they may be beautiful or ugly, smart or foolish; everyone can support them or discard them. But the teachings you've heard from me are not my opinions, anfd their goal is not to explain the world to those who seek knowledge. They have a different goal; their goal is salvation from suffering. This is that what Gotama teaches, and nothing else."                                                                                                                                        
• Hero to Siddhartha Gotama: "I have not doubted in you for a single moment. You have found salvation from death. It has come to you in the course of your own search, on your own path, through thoughts, through meditation, through realization, through enlightenment. It has not come to you by means of teachings! And so are my thoughts, oh exalted one-nobody will partake in salvation teachings! You will not be able to convey and share with anyone, oh venerable one, in words and through teachings what has happened to you in the hour of enlightenment! There is one thing that the teachings of the do not contain: they do not contain the mystery of what the exalted one among hundreds of thousands has experienced for himself. This is what i have thought and realizes. This is why i am continung my travels- not to seek other, better teachings, for i know there aren't any, but to depart from all teachings and all teachers and either to reach my goal on my own or to die. But i'll often think of this day, oh exalted one, and of this hour, when my eyes beheld a saint."                                                                                        
• "Daily, at the very hour appointed by her, he visited beautiful Kamala, wearing pretty clothes, fine shoes, and soon he brought her gifts as well. Much he learned from her red, shrewd mouth. Much he learned from her tender, supple hand. He was, regarding love, still a boy and had a tendency to plunge blindly and insatiably into lust like into a bottomless pit; she taught him, starting with the basics, about that school of thought which teaches that pleasure cannot be be taken without giving pleasure, and that every gesture, every caress, every touch, every look, every area of the body, however small it was, had its secret, which would bring happiness to those who know about it and unleash it. She taught him, that lovers must not part from one another after celebrating love, without admiring one other, without being just as defeated as they are victorious, so that neither one started feeling fed up or bored and get that wicked feeling of having abused or having been abused. He spent wonderful hours with the beautiful and intelligent artist, became her student, her lover, her friend."                                                          
• Ferryman to Hero: "It is this what you mean, isn't it: that the river is everywhere at once, at the source and at the mouth, at the waterfall, at the ferry, at the rapids, in the sea, in the mountains, everywhere at once, and that there is only the present time for it, not the shadow of the past, nor the shadow of the future?"                                                       
• Hero to Ferryman : "And when I learned it, I looked at my life, and found that it was also a river, and that the boy Siddhartha was only separated from the man Siddhartha and the old man Siddhartha by only a shadow, and not by something real.  Siddhartha's previous births were also no past, and his death and subsequent return to Brahmin was no future. Nothing was, nothing will be; everything is, and everything is present and has existence.                                                                                                                                               
• "When someone is searching" said the Hero, "then it can easily happen that the only thing his eyes see is that for which he is searching. He is then unable to find anyhting or let any thought enter his mind because he always thinks of nothing but the object of his search. He is obsessed ny a gial; searching means having a goal. But finding means: being free, open, and having no goal. You oh venerable one, are perhaps indeed a seeker, because in striving for your goal, there are many things that you don't see, even though they are right in front of you."                                                                                                                           
• "Wisdom cannot be passed on. Wisdom that a wise man attempts to pass on to someone always sounds like foolishness. Knowledge can be transferred, but not wisdom. It can be found and lived, and it is possible to be carried by it. Miracles can be performed with it, but it can't be expressed in thoughts with words. This is what has driven me away from teachers. Another thought is that the opposite of every truth is just as true! That is to say, any truth can only be expressed and put into words when it is one sided. Everything that can be thought with the mind and said with words is one sided, its all just the half of it, lacking completeness, roundness or unity."                                                                               
• " Great thinkers may try to thoroughly understand the world, explain it, and despise it. But i'm only interested in being able to love the world, not despise it. I don't want to hate it and have it hate me; i want to be able to look upon it and myself and upon all beings with love, admiration and great respect."                

 These are only few of lines i found truly amazing. I know it may appear out of context to you guys but as long as you are able to get the gist of it doesn't really matter. Read the book completely and the meanings grow only more profound, only more subtle only more enjoyable and only more awe inspiring.

 Hats off to the great artist and his amazing work. I'll keep putting up new posts regularly. Thanks for your time tata :)                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             

The Secret

As i sit facing my desktop, flashes of the past cross my mind, bringing back memories. Well some memories make you happy some make you sad, though you always end up with
a mixed bag of emotions. It finally boils down to the fact that either you can rue over the past or you can relish the old memories it brings back.
It all started about 3 years back, when i set first set foot in this Oasis. Like all those stories you hear as a child, this Oasis too turned out to be a mirage, a simple yet deceptive
illusions. You know what is strange about illusions? Its the fact that illusions give you hope to carry on, to reach your goal. Seeing your target in sight you run with full enthusiasm towards it. Along the way expectations build up. You run with more effort, putting as much as you can in every stride and then exhaustion starts to set in. You slow down, close your eyes and take a deep breath. You open your eyes only to find out that your goal is still as far away from you as it was when you started. Then it dawns upon you that all this time when you were moving towards your goal, your goal also kept moving away from you at the same rate. You finally give up. But all this taught you a lesson. You would never fall for such illusions again but at the back of your mind there is always a nagging fear. The fear of making the same mistake again and you start living your life in a constant fear. Your steps become smaller and smaller with time and then slowly you pass out.
The paragraph above describes the all these years i have spent in this place but not the same goes for the last two weeks. About two weeks back i saw a movie/documentary titled "The_Secret." The video not only put me in shock and awe but also changed my whole perspective on life. It made me realize a certain things which i am going to be listing down. First, the importance of realizing your true desires and then visualizing yourself as a part of your dreams. Secondly, the notion that _you are and you achieve what you keep thinking about. Thirdly that you are not born with a purpose and that you define and write your own purpose. All this and the fact that life can only be understood connecting the dot's backwards has turned my whole thought process upside down. From being the sad pessimist that i was to becoming a more optimistic guy, i now try to take in the positives from any situation rather than debating on the negatives. From being the guy who had an opinion on everything and about everyone to becoming a non judgmental person. From being a atheist to person who believes in God and not necessarily destiny and luck. I seem to have realized that the best way to live life is to live it the normal way. For no matter how hard i have tried to escape the normal life style and defining a style which i thought will suit me, it never did. But that's just a part of the illusion that i have described. A normal life is the best possible way to lead a life. The higher you go, the harder you fall. Only a free mind can house constructive thoughts and i have certainly never felt this relaxed before. Not that i have completely changed or something but no matter how small the change is, it seems promising. And that is hope my friend. The thin line between hope and expectation has to be carefully spotted. Also i keep realizing the meaning and implication of this line from The Alchemist : "its all about reading the signs." The importance of understanding gut-feelings becomes stronger every day and some day i hope ill learn how to tap in my intuitions.
Ah well! You might not realize but its almost been two hours since i started on this post. I would advise you to watch the documentary. It will change the way you look at life provided, you hear patiently to what it has to say. Lastly, any sort of comments in any form are welcome. Ciao!

My Chemical Romance

As you sit in your dormitory, with your computer as the only one to giving you company, you read the following conversation you just had:

x:

hiii

Amit:

well !
hi

x:

kya hua??

Amit:

nothing

x:

kya chal raha hai??

Amit:

kuch khaas nahi

Sent at 7:54 PM on Monday
Amit:

kya chal raha hai??

x:

songs sun rahi hoon

x:

ok

Sent at 7:58 PM on Monday
Amit:

kya hua kuch baat karne ko nahi ?

x:

arey kuch search kar rahi thi
tu bata kuch
kya kya kiya holz me??

x:

maasi k ghar gaya kuch din
aur baaki time ek dost k saath nikaal diya

x:

hmm
hmm
delhi me hi
??

Amit:

zyada dost nahi rh gaye hain
ab to contacts ban kar reh gaye hain vo
nahi maasi dehradoon mein th

x:

snowfall hui vahan??

Amit:

nahi

x:

kahin busy ho kya tum abhi??

Amit:

mai hheee
mai kabhi busy nahi hota yaar

x:

acha
hmmmm
i c

Amit:

mai apne aap ko chhodkar sabhi ko busy paata hoon
ye to maine bataya bhee hai

x:

arey
numb3rs dekha hai tumne?/

Amit:

nahi
kyu

x:

bohat sahi hai
dekh na

Amit:

nahi

x:

acha hai
sahi me

Amit:

i know
i just dont want to

x:

acha

Amit:

tune dekha hai kya
?

x:

tabhi to bol rahi hoon

Amit:

nahi matlab dekh rahi hai kya ?

x:

naa
abhi nahi dekh rahi
but dekha hai maine

Amit:

okay
there is a series on DC titled ’story of india’
watch that
and also ‘man vs wild’

You realize you never expected such a dull conversation with someone who you thought, was pretty close to you. You then buzz your sister and ask her for after dinner walk. She agrees. You move out of your room, not switching the lights off because you fear the dark. You meet her. You don’t greet her, but the eyes say it all for you. You walk through different areas of the campus. You see girls and boys together, in small groups and in big groups. You see some of the groups making noise, girls and boys alike, laughing loud. Sometimes you see the odd girl and boy holding hands, and giggling on certain occasions. As you pass them, you look into the girl’s eyes and you know from inside that it is not just a look that you give, its a probing stare but you let them pass without a saying a word. You don’t know them after all. Finally you accompany your sister to her hostel. You don’t say goodbye. You just turn back. Again your eyes saying what your mouth couldn’t.

You come back to your dormitory. You switch on the computer and listen to an ‘Emo’ band. You ponder over the fact that you are bginning to see more and more girls on campus and that too with guys. The only problem is that none of the girls you saw were from your batch. Thousands of reasons cross your mind as to why this happened. The one which you have the hardest time accepting but the one that easily explains everything is that you are just plain unlucky. But blaiming it on bad luck doesn’t help the purpose. As you ponder more, you get an idea. The idea is to blog about whatever you felt.
What results, is this post.
But as you come towards the end of the post you feel you might have digressed too much into the girl-boy topic. But anyways you expect people to understand. Every batch mate of yours feels the same way, only you decided to say it in words and publicly.
As you end the following line still rings in your brain : When you go/ Would you even turn to say/ “I don’t love you/ Like I did/ Yesterday”
You let the lines sink deep into you and you stop writing.