Do I not want to hang out with a bunch of my best friends? Would I not like to go on a trek with a bunch of adventurous youngsters? Wouldn't I rather spend a Sunday, watching back to back movies? Why would I not start of watching another epic sitcom/drama? Why can't I study physics and do mathematics anymore? Don't I feel like going out shopping with a girl? Why would I mind going on a cycling expedition to the western ghats? Shouldn't I have been to Goa already?! Why am I the only one who has not been to B'lore to meet my some of my best friends there? Am I missing out on life?
I don't plan to answer each question I've asked. They were rhetorical in nature anyway. Yet, I have the answer to the last question. The question was for me, I'll be the one who answers it. So, am I missing out life? The answer is a simple No. I am not missing out anything in life. I am instead looking for something that has been missing in my life for long. I have no qualms about being public about it. This blog has exposed me enough, anyway. It is achievement, that I'm striving for. I've been and underachiever all my life. The people who know me well, know this well as well. To others, if this sounds like a pompous self-assessment, you are requested to stop reading, right now. Continuing, I'd say, I might really not have deserved more than what I have got, but certainly I have never achieved what I am capable of. And this haunts me, it does. The burden of talent, lies on the one who fails to realize it. And I feel that burden. Not that it's a bad position to be in. This is the ripe age for me to lumber through my burdens, and run that home run hard. If there is one emotion in me, that has never really needed a rekindling, it's been this emotion. The emotion to realize my dreams, dreams that are not small by any standards, and I'm not telling you what my dreams are. Dreams like, secrets, are best kept secret. Call me self-obsessed, call me selfish, call me by whatever hideous ways you call people, fact remains fact. And the fact is, if you can't feel my burden, you can't feel my pain, and if you can't feel my pain, you can't even sympathize; and when you can't even sympathize, at the least, do not curse.
With the turmoils in my soul, I sure have lost out on friendships and relationships. I ask you not to feel resented, and not to desert me. What I ask of you is not an eschewing soul, but a forbearing soul. Show me a forbearing soul, and I will make sure, that I come running back to you, once I'm relieved of my burden. As a friend, I know you would understand, and be kind to me, the way you have been all these years. I know everyone has dreams to live for, and you should live for your dream too. But I am not asking too much, when I ask you if I could be a part of your dream too? I have hurt a lot of guys over the last year, but I will make sure, I make up for all of my misdemeanors. I just hope that you would help me in realizing my dreams, and I would help you realizing your dreams. This way we would be good friends, the best of friends. Who says, a man can have only one best friend? No way. Time to prove the world wrong.
This post specifically goes out to all the people who know me inside out and who have missed knowing me of late. Friends, I have missed knowing you too. And there will be a time for us to catch up, on what we've missed. But now, it is time for us, to march ahead foot by foot, each helping the other, realize his dreams. You surely don't want to be on your deathbed with your dreams unfulfilled, right? Live happy and die happy. I know you have your dreams, deep inside you. In case you can't find them, you just need to look deeper, they'll be there. Believe me. Know your dreams, and write your destiny.
As an epilogue I'd say that any form of eulogy and tirade likewise, is solicited in the form of comments. This post has come out after a long long writing hiatus, so any suggestions on my writing/composition are extremely welcome too. In all hopes that this post inspires you as much as it makes you ponder. I have extended my hand in friendship. Will you hold it?
