Do I not want to hang out with a bunch of my best friends? Would I not like to go on a trek with a bunch of adventurous youngsters? Wouldn't I rather spend a Sunday, watching back to back movies? Why would I not start of watching another epic sitcom/drama? Why can't I study physics and do mathematics anymore? Don't I feel like going out shopping with a girl? Why would I mind going on a cycling expedition to the western ghats? Shouldn't I have been to Goa already?! Why am I the only one who has not been to B'lore to meet my some of my best friends there? Am I missing out on life?
I don't plan to answer each question I've asked. They were rhetorical in nature anyway. Yet, I have the answer to the last question. The question was for me, I'll be the one who answers it. So, am I missing out life? The answer is a simple No. I am not missing out anything in life. I am instead looking for something that has been missing in my life for long. I have no qualms about being public about it. This blog has exposed me enough, anyway. It is achievement, that I'm striving for. I've been and underachiever all my life. The people who know me well, know this well as well. To others, if this sounds like a pompous self-assessment, you are requested to stop reading, right now. Continuing, I'd say, I might really not have deserved more than what I have got, but certainly I have never achieved what I am capable of. And this haunts me, it does. The burden of talent, lies on the one who fails to realize it. And I feel that burden. Not that it's a bad position to be in. This is the ripe age for me to lumber through my burdens, and run that home run hard. If there is one emotion in me, that has never really needed a rekindling, it's been this emotion. The emotion to realize my dreams, dreams that are not small by any standards, and I'm not telling you what my dreams are. Dreams like, secrets, are best kept secret. Call me self-obsessed, call me selfish, call me by whatever hideous ways you call people, fact remains fact. And the fact is, if you can't feel my burden, you can't feel my pain, and if you can't feel my pain, you can't even sympathize; and when you can't even sympathize, at the least, do not curse.
With the turmoils in my soul, I sure have lost out on friendships and relationships. I ask you not to feel resented, and not to desert me. What I ask of you is not an eschewing soul, but a forbearing soul. Show me a forbearing soul, and I will make sure, that I come running back to you, once I'm relieved of my burden. As a friend, I know you would understand, and be kind to me, the way you have been all these years. I know everyone has dreams to live for, and you should live for your dream too. But I am not asking too much, when I ask you if I could be a part of your dream too? I have hurt a lot of guys over the last year, but I will make sure, I make up for all of my misdemeanors. I just hope that you would help me in realizing my dreams, and I would help you realizing your dreams. This way we would be good friends, the best of friends. Who says, a man can have only one best friend? No way. Time to prove the world wrong.
This post specifically goes out to all the people who know me inside out and who have missed knowing me of late. Friends, I have missed knowing you too. And there will be a time for us to catch up, on what we've missed. But now, it is time for us, to march ahead foot by foot, each helping the other, realize his dreams. You surely don't want to be on your deathbed with your dreams unfulfilled, right? Live happy and die happy. I know you have your dreams, deep inside you. In case you can't find them, you just need to look deeper, they'll be there. Believe me. Know your dreams, and write your destiny.
As an epilogue I'd say that any form of eulogy and tirade likewise, is solicited in the form of comments. This post has come out after a long long writing hiatus, so any suggestions on my writing/composition are extremely welcome too. In all hopes that this post inspires you as much as it makes you ponder. I have extended my hand in friendship. Will you hold it?
YEA BOI
ReplyDeleteDear Brother,
ReplyDeleteMay you fullfill all ur dreams with all the people you love and care. your words are touchy bro but yes inspirational too. Let me be the first one who fwd hands for friendship.
Sonia
abe roz toh online dikh jata hai, kaahe ka miss karnaa? Work and work well. As you said time is ripe for you to go ahead full steam. As for us, your friends, we'll find our ways to keep in touch :)
ReplyDeleteyour writing has improved if nothing else! :P
ReplyDelete"I might really not have deserved more than what I have got, but certainly I have never achieved what I am capable of." - You really struck a guilt-chord somewhere deep within me too. And reading further ahead, I could feel me talking to myself. Deserted friends, uncared-for r'ships..it all got messy, and none tend to understand. Over numerous past dialogues, we've visited these. And it still stands haunting.
ReplyDeleteI'd say look doin' any chore should be of lesser concern to you, Amit. Rather, doing it the best/fastest/smartest way should be what you should aim. A God inside me says this exactly, is what you're crafted for. Go ahead, n start set standards for them to follow. Come what may the "chore" then be!
And you'd find me lurking near somewhere always, holding that hand of friendship ALWAYS.
Nice,
ReplyDeleteNever knew a short height can think this high !! ;)
wow!!!
ReplyDelete@wanderer : Bebsss, start blogging again!
ReplyDelete@Hemant : Thanks dude!
@Didi: Thanks didi. *hug*
ReplyDelete@Jiju: Size doesn't matter, after all :P
Thanks :)
@Gujju: Thanks be, didn't realize it though :P
ReplyDelete@Aks: Thanks yaar. You get free *hugs* :)
@Pich: Sure, we will :)
I know you want me to criticize something here, but what can I say: that was supremely well written. :) On that vexing thing (for me at least) called ambition, I often wonder why you have to be ambitious when you're happy with what you have. If your response to that is: I'm happy with what I have but I need my neighbours to respect me, you're *not* happy with what you have, so please, feel free to be ambitious. :)
ReplyDeleteI realized some of this coming the last time we talked on phone. This post kind of completes the conversation.
ReplyDeleteYep you'r ok, alright!
PS: The skype is still due?
"Don't I feel like going out shopping with a girl?" Seriously ??! Are u like super rich or are u simply outta ur mind ? :P
ReplyDeleteWARNING: The tone might be a bit patronizing for ur taste.
It is apparent that u long for 2 things in life - achievement and opportunity to spend time with close friends. Yet u say ur not missing out on anything in life, which I find hard to understand, coz if I were in ur shoes (and I am in many ways) I would feel a sense of worthlessness and isolation. Ur frequent references to things like underachievement and desertion put a stamp on the argument that u are fighting to kill these emotions of inadequacy by dreaming big and putting ur hopes in the future; that one day I will have accomplished feats and friends ("And there will be a time for us to catch up, on what we've missed").
I believe that time will never come, for ur source of frustration lies not in underachievement or the burden of talent but in ur nature. Consider my example - how long was I happy about coming to Ahd ? 2 days perhaps. And how long was I sad of not being able to goto HBS even though I've more than the required talent? Ever since! It's just in my nature to keep making me feel overqualified for any job in the world. Ask urself how much achievement ur talent justifies? When wud u be happy with ur accomplishments? When is that burden going to be lifted? Never. Period! As for friends, u can catch up later but u can never make up for lost time. I'm sorry for being so cynical, but I have felt the same pain u have, even though I might have reached different conclusions. I'm still glad that u r optimistic in a way that makes a kid believe Santa is real.
Favorite quote: "The burden of talent, lies on the one who fails to realize it." The problem is I will always fail to realize it coz I donno exactly what the bounds of my talent are. Think about it.
Hi, Bro. really man this post is the exact clutter going on into my mind also. I think this is common with all achievement oriented people.
ReplyDeleteSubodh
www.thesubodh.com