Thursday, August 13, 2009


In times like these, its hard to take some time out for yourself. You find yourself in a new city, miles away from college, just swarming with people you don't know, faces you don't recognize, expressions you can't understand, emotions you can't comprehend, talents you can't judge, smiles you can't respond to, security you can't breach, authority you can't challenge, tension that gives you sleepless hours in the bed, aspirations that fly high in the sky, appreciation lurking in the altars, fame that begs to be grabbed, names that ought to be taken and hopes you hope will come true.

Its hard to picture yourself against the alien surroundings, and it forces you to go back to your
shell, your comfort zone, back to the place where you belong, where you already have an identity, the same cube of which you have been a part for so long, where the huge walls don't scare you, and in fact where the walls shield you and keep you warm. The challenge of carving a new niche for yourself seems a daunting task, but its a challenge you just have to accept because first, life doesn't give you the time to look back in time, and secondly life only makes sense
when you look backwards, so at every moment moving forward is the only sensible choice.

Today I choose to write about myself. In a sense it gives me the impression that i am really
devoting myself the time i deserve and not the time that i need; trying to understand myself
by delving deeper into what I say and how I react to various situations and the way my
thought process works. It also gives me a chance to present myself to the world minus all the
sham and the embellishment. But then its only me who vouches for the fact that the information
here hasn't been garnished in a way that makes it more presentable and there is no one to verify
my claims here, but that it is the way I feel about myself and i wish that somehow you would

From being the guy who is totally into metal to being a guy who's favourite song happens to be
'Coming Back To Life'; from being the guy who screwed up acads in his college life to being the
guy who feels like repeating every damn course they taught in college just to show that he still
has the desire to learn; from being a guy who does almost anything to make people laugh and
goes on to crack jokes on himself to being the guy who weeps in his heart of hearts at times and
finds it almost impossible to get through what he actuallly feels like; from being the guy who
wants to help his friends get out of their shit to being the guy who actually ends up doing nothing
to alleviate their pain; from being the guy who almost does things without taking any self into
account most of the times to being a guy who ends up being called selfish most of the times; from being a guy who still likes to solves those math puzzles, collect those coins, still pursuing those chilhood hobbies to being the guy who still likes to look into the night sky, not observing anything but just gazing at those stars hoping to go into space some day; from being the guy who dreamt of becoming a really big shot astrophysict to being the guy who now just wants to spend an unobtrusive life; from being a guy who likes to talk less to being the guy who ends up saying more; from being a guy who thinks that every human being is equal to being the guy who regards
himself above all others when it comes to applying common sense; from being a guy who likes
to keep a low profile to being the guy who ends up getting all the undeserved attention; from
being the guy who just loves to speak his mind to being the guy who always ends up dishonouring lost of the people; from being the guy who does thing the best when he does it the first time to being the guy who gets bored of anyhting and everything; from being a guy who never shows that he cares to being the guy who loves some people from the core of his heart; from being a guy who wants to change himslef to being the guy who thinks that he is best the way he is; from being a guy who loves life to being a guy who finds life pointless and from being the guy who always starts a blogpost with a certain intention to being a guy who ends up saying nothing at all.

I keep discovering and rediscovering myself. Life is short, and I learn from the river. The river
never stops for anyone, and so won't I.
Thanks for the time, ciao.


  1. I just loved the way u wrote...the way u used comma separated parellel constructors for such long sentences..1111111
    U can't deny the fact that u vacillate.. so this discovery - rediscovery cycle will continue all thru ur life. But that's a good thing isn't it ?

  2. Yeah, i tried this the first time, and i do vacillate and so does every one and more importantly i do want this cycle to continue throughout my life. Thanks :)

  3. this is your erudition speaking,here.
    And it sets you apart.
    'coz it's not everyday that we come across someone who can, even after riding through the crests and troughs in the rapid of life,can detach oneself,rise above and analyse his "self" pragmatically..

    one of the most beautiful posts you ever wrote.
    I wish it were a book; would make a helluva read.
    I wish..

  4. Just keep writing. You are good 'potential'.

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  6. Gr8 post ..really..
    many of us..atleast bitsians..must have had a lot same thoughts in these last few years...n especially in these last few days..
    but identifying and putting all ur thoughts in such a brilliant a singl flow..still managin 2 dissect each thought individually without letting it merge among othrs..s really tough task..

  7. @Akash: Man just one word for the way you comment, and that is ResPek. I can just feel the words flowing straight from your heart :)

    @Anish: KindOf expected that from you :)

    @Arpit: Nice to see you comment and thanks for the appreciation :)

  8. i m just too overwhelmed with these comments n the yeah obviosly the post..
    will just say tht it was a good read!!
    well written.

  9. i guess it happens with most of us,this up and down stuff. but i guess none of us would ever be able to pen it down,simply because this up and down is so random that after a time this whole thing seems stupidity in itself.
    Am glad that you could,and would add that its just the lonliness and home sickness which is doing this, i kno how it feels like when one goes thru this,
    PS1 at kolkata was one such teacher,neverthless an awesome post,but just one small piece of advice forget all this and just find an aim inlife , and follow it, just love that aim , it need not be a seat in some college, or a job .It can be something far better then that ,something less materialstic. What that is going to be ,you have to decide

  10. @ papa : To each His own, they say, My Aim will show itself to me, i'll just wait till that day, i am just not in a hurry, and again what applies to you need not apply to me. Loneliness might just be the catalyst but the ingredients were put in long before... :)

  11. tune toh ekdum godly likh diya....I stopped reading your post, because they were depressing, sorry to say, but they were!
    This one is really good..though you could have made it more positive, say by adding "whatever, change is good" ,it would have been a beautiful post...Still, you wrote beautifully!!

  12. Hey chun..really a gr8 post..specially the para in which u compared your past and present..itna socha then wat a gr8 way to write..seriously...GauD!!

  13. @MP : thanks yaar, bohot he acha lagta hai jab log appreciate karte hain, aur haan tune D[]N naam se comment nahi kiya saale, Don identity hai teri :)

  14. hey here's a thumbs up for such a deeply-thought, beautifully-presented piece...
    and heyy...u wanted to be an astrophysict? tht's such a sexy thing to do.... u do have it in u to be one, buddy... just have faith n be postive!! cheers!! :)

  15. A very well written post! One thing though--- whts the reason for this change???
    May be someday u'll change from a guy who writes boring computer codes to a guy who writes interesting books!
    Way to go man...!

  16. @Arya: A Sincere Thanks :)

    @Sunny: Dude I DO NOT write BORING codes. Lol and yeah i'll ponder over the idea of writing a book sometime...And how can I forget, Thanks a lot :)

  17. u sound so mature and emotional on the blog (literally!) contrasting ur normal chunchuns life.....btw this was a good piece probably to be put up in cactus magazine.

  18. It's fairly usualto be confused with how life turns,not so easy to put all that confusion into one place. Well written :)